Edit: I posted this last night but it just showed up now….

Lizze and I were up with Elliott most of last night and then up at 6am with Emmett. Elliott and Gavin were both home today due to illness. Elliott went to Dr.H and his lungs are clear but he has an ear infection.

I took Gavin and Elliott to therapy tonight. Dr. Patti and I spoke in another room while the boys were playing. I sat there and just sobbed. I’m so overwhelmed, tired, frustrated and scared. Everything is just completely falling apart and no one gets that. You know your life is really screwed up when you make the doctors cry….

I got the boys home and Lizze and Emmett were already in bed at 7:30pm. I put Elliott in bed and then Gavin. Told them both I love them and went downstairs to jump on the boards to make sure my last ROM release was doing ok.
While I was watching Netfix Gavin comes down at about 10:30pm. He says “daddy, I’m having scary thoughts”. My heart sunk because I know where this is going. He says “when I look out my window I see Woody (from Toy Story) transform into a vampire and then turn around and stare at me”. I know what this means. I know where this is going…and it’s not good. We put on another light and tried again to get him to bed. He still wouldn’t close him eyes. We had to give him one of his anxiety meds tonight just so he could sleep. I don’t even know what to say………

When I wake up in the morning the kids have to get to school by 8:00am. Then Lizze, Emmett and I are off to Case Western Reserve University. Emmett is having another ADOS done as part of that research project. He will be receiving a new intervention technique. We have to try everything we can to help him. I will be driving 70 miles to Cleveland through rush hour traffic for the sole purpose of hearing the worst news I have ever received…..a second time. 

-lost and tired