Confessions – How special needs parenting affects our marriage and family

It’s been an exhausting day.  Lizze and I had a few conversations today about how things have been going and what we needed to do to continue moving forward. 

These conversations didn’t always go well because Lizze and I are both tired, worn out and completely overwhelmed. The topics were about her health, which can be a sensitive issue, Gavin’s health, what’s going on with the two youngest and how we are going to try and makes things better for everyone.

To be completely honest, it can sometimes be easy for us to sorta lash out at each other, especially when touching on sensitive issues.

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It’s not like we have any real or significant problems, it’s more like venting at each other because we know it’s safe to do so.  Sometimes we need to purge and get things off our chests so we can heal and move forward. 

At the end of the day though, everything got worked out.  We agreed to make a few changes that will make things a bit more manageable for me and will help Lizze to get more of what she’s needs as well. 

One would think that with all the things we have going on in our lives that we would be at each others throats more often.

The truth is that life with three special needs kids, especially with one being medically fragile, isn’t even in the same universe as easy.  Factor in the additional strain of one parent being chronically ill and struggling emotionally and there isn’t a scale on this planet to measure the amount of stress that produces. 

Having said that, Lizze and I really don’t fight.  We have disagreements and sometimes they can be a bit heated but we actually do really well. 

We can each say things that are hurtful to each other but I think we’ve sorta learned over the last 12 or 13 years that we don’t mean these things and they really don’t happen very often. When they do happen, it’s usually after dealing with an emotionally charged or stressful situation. An example would be something related to Gavin’s health.  We are both absolutely terrified of what’s going to happen to him and that can be very overwhelming.

I think that people outside of the special needs community, generally have no clue what our lives are like.  Truthfully, how can they?

Speaking only to my personal family situation but I’m sure that many of you out there can relate.  Every doctor we have working with us has told us over and over again that they have no idea how we do it..

My personal favorite is when they try to quantify the amount of stress we are dealing with on a constant, unforgiving, daily basis.  They simply tell us that there’s no scale in existence that can measure our stress level because it’s simply too extreme. 

Despite all of that, Lizze and I are very close and connected on a really deep level. Our family is hanging in there and I’m so proud of each and every one of them. I really believe that it’s a testament to their unbelievable strength and tenacity.

It would be utterly ridiculous of me to try and make it sound like this is easy for any of us.  Sometimes we can make it look much easier than it actually is. 

Every day is a struggle.  Sometimes it’s a struggle to literally survive and other times it’s a struggle to keep from losing traction and subsequently progress. Still other times are filled with absolute joy and elation…..

The bottom line is that in the Lost and Tired family, we stick together, love each other and never, ever leave anyone behind.

Reading our story isn’t always pretty, pleasant or uplifting but it’s honest, raw and gets to the heart of what many fames out there are going through.  I’m really proud of that. . 🙂

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉

Update: If you like this post, check out these as well. Click —–> Here <—– for my Top Posts.



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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  


  • AspieMum says:

    Lost_and_Tired Having 3 special needs kids&your own medical & special needs to deal with as well & being a single parent is also stressfull

  • jrunko says:

    Holy cow! Reading your grammar-less abortion of a post made ME need a drink.
    I really think some of these posts are trolls, simply trying to make this blog appear to be populated by the insane.

  • rjones22 says:

    I am so proud of yall. you know the rates of divorce out there that people with chronically sick children hardly stay together and unfortuately i am that statistic. First husband couldnt handle the kids diagnosis. he was already an alcoholic but a functional one that was self medicating whatever terrible things had happened to him. then when our son got sick, he fell apart and couldnt function anymore. thank God we were already divorced (but coparenting well) so our kid wouldnt think the divorce was his fault for being sick. My ex still hasnt recovered but he is trying still after 10 years. I can understand but not forget that he fell apart and i had to keep it together. People that know me would have thought i would be the one person that if they told me that my kid had leukemia and a bone marrow transplantant and would survive the terribleness,and then he would have a rare autoimmune diease to deal with etc., would fall apart. I couldnt and will keep fighting. To this day the great father he was and how he is now i just can’t believe. my sick son told me the other day, that he needs to call his dad as dad keeps texting him (sick son realizes he was/is an ass) but he feels sorry for him. I think that is great that he has that compassion and i do foster it because he is his dad. my son is better than me, as I was thinking he needs to send a F****** check every once in a while, F****** come see your kid once in three years (he live 30 min away), help me pay for all this F****** medicine, take him to the F***** doctor for the 3rd time in your life etc. Then, I tried marriage for the 2nd time. shouldnt have done that. I am sure I am a damaged person from being traumatized by everything that happended, i explained everything to him before we got married, he said all the right things, everything i wanted to hear and i know he meant it, then real life happended and he couldnt handle that he couldnt fix my situation or make me feel better about it. After three arguements i was out of there. was married for 3 months and that was all he could take. I don’t argue well, dont want to argue and needed a partner that would lift me up or leave me alone, not make it worse. Thank God to this day I got out of there. I feel bad that my sick kid (even though he was 18 or so) had to see me fail at marriage again and see me make the bad choice of a man but i do forgive him because I cant hardly handle my life and shouldnt have thought someone else could. so he is off the hook too. I am so glad for yall. I pray every night. I wish I could do more. thank you for your blog.

  • redthread16 says:

    I love the comment that no one ever, ever gets left behind. Your family is woven  tightly together and that is such a fine thing.