It’s days like today where hopelessness creeps in


I’m really tired and I’m going to make this quick. 

Gavin started having bladder issues once again today. It wasn’t as severe as its been but it’s definitely there. At the same time, his delusions are are getting stronger and some of the shit he’s doing on his missions, is pretty crazy. 

We met with Dr. Pattie and Gavin’s case manager from insurance tonight. We just went over all that’s been going and frankly, it’s completely overwhelming, especially when you see everything listed out on paper. 

I’m on overload and I feel like total shit because my hands are tied in so many areas. It’s such an unbelievably helpless feeling and I’m not able to fight it off right now.   

Gavin had a rough time falling asleep tonight because he wasn’t feeling well. He did eventually fall asleep and thankfully hasn’t been up again, aside from going to the bathroom. 

There are times I feel like I’m making good progress in many areas of our life and yet there are days like today, where I feel like all we can do is try to survive. It’s these days where no matter how positive I am, hopelessness exploits every chink in my armour and creeps into my life once again. 



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