Never underestimate the impact of a meltdown 

This was one of those days where I spent all the energy I had in morning.  The boys went to the zoo today and the anticipation/excitement of that kept Emmett from sleeping last night. We camped out on the couch and he did eventually fall asleep, but he didn't get nearly enough.  He was a holy terror this morning. Overstimulation, exhaustion and anxiety are not his friends.  As volatile as he was this morning, when we got to school he was fine. He gave me a super long hug and a kiss, before hopping out of the car and walking into the school.  I don't know own how he turns it off like that. Gavin used to do that and it drove me crazy. He's get Lizze and I all…

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The meltdowns are killing me today

The boys are going on a field trip to the zoo today. Emmett is in a truly horrible mood this morning. He's been screaming all morning and it's been like one long meltdown.  The problem is likely the fact that he woke up after midnight and couldn't go back to sleep.  He and I crashed on the couches in the living room but he didn't fall asleep for hours.. That meant that I couldn't fall asleep for hours as well.  I don't have the patience to deal with this at the moment, as I'm exhausted. 

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The meltdowns are killing me today

The boys are going on a field trip to the zoo today. Emmett is in a truly horrible mood this morning. He's been screaming all morning and it's been like one long meltdown.  The problem is likely the fact that he woke up after midnight and couldn't go back to sleep.  He and I crashed on the couches in the living room but he didn't fall asleep for hours.. That meant that I couldn't fall asleep for hours as well.  I don't have the patience to deal with this at the moment, as I'm exhausted. 

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Why this is a blessing and a curse

I know it may seem silly to some because what happened this morning at Gavin's doctors appointment, didn't really change anything, but I'm struggling anyway.  Would it make the Universe implode if just for once, we could get really good news at one of Gavin's doctors appointments? Would the cosmic balance be thrown out of whack if Gavin was able to catch a break? Would life as we know it cease to be if Gavin were able to recover from even one of his many physical or emotional health problems?  I realize I'm biased but my God, how much should one kid have to endure in a lifetime?  I'm trying to be positive about this, so here's my thought.  Maybe one of the major challenges he faces has an upside…

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Gavin had a major diagnosis change today

Gavin and I met with Dr. Reynolds this morning. Lizze wasn't feeling well and was resting up so she would be better when the kids got home from school. Sometimes we have to divide and conquer.  Today's appointment was basically supposed to be a followup, because we had discontinued the Lithium last month. Dr. Reynolds wanted to make sure everything was okay.  We met for quite awhile, and the discussion turned to something I hadn't planned on.  I asked the question, at what point do we revisit his Schizoaffective diagnosis and look at straight up Schizophrenia?  The reason I asked this question is because we haven't reevaluated him in a long time and his symptoms have changed as he's gotten older. Long story short, Gavin's official diagnosis has changed to…

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Why this #Autism Dad feels guilty today

It's already one of those days where I'm feeling very guilty. It's the kind of guilt one feels when their special needs child is driving them fucking crazy. By sharing this, I know it's almost hypocritical because I'm always telling my readers not to feel guilty.  The truth is, sometimes there's nothing that can stop the overwhelming feelings of guilt.  I'm feeling guilty today because I'm really struggling with Gavin this morning. He's very slowly processing everything around him today, and I'm in a hurry because we have Dr. Reynolds to be at, first thing.   It's almost like he's unable to think. He's not even able to answer some of my simple questions.  We're sitting here in the waiting room at Dr. Reynolds, and Gavin's starts doing the potty…

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It’s like being kicked in the balls

Lizze and I are really heartbroken over the amount of regression Gavin's been experiencing lately. Today was particularly difficult because Gavin was clearly struggling in many areas.  On one hand, I sent Gavin in to Clearwater to refill one of our five gallon water jugs, while I watched him from outside the store. He had to buy a token, lid and then fill the jug up before carrying it out and putting it into the trunk. This is only the second time he's done this and he did a really good job.  At the same time, he can't remember how to type the code into the keyless entry on the front door. He's been able to do it for the last two years, but lately he can't remember the code…

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Do you know how hard it is to be an #Autism Parent?

All I want to do today is make progress on the things in my life. I want to get the house caught up, but I'm running into a problem. I'm so completely exhausted, I don't have the energy or the motivation to do much of anything. Being an Autism parent is a rewarding challenge. The rewards are fantastic, and the challenges are completely exhausting. The exhaustion is on both a physical and emotional level. It impacts every single aspect of my life. To people on the outside, it may appear that I'm lazy, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not lazy; I'm mentally and physically depleted. It's easy to assume otherwise. I've been on the receiving end of those assumptions many times, as have countless other Autism…

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