Do I have less patience now?

The reality is, while Gavin’s violent behaviors that had us looking at residential placement are largely non-existent anymore, in many ways, he’s more challenging than he ever has been. It’s not his fault but as his challenges become more difficult to manage, maybe I don’t have to beat myself up as much for not being able to meet this increase in behavioral challenge with the same level of patience or grace I have in the past.

Think of it like this.

When your child was little, you picked them up and carried them around with ease. As they got older, you carried them less and less until one day, they were simply too big to carry anymore.

Not being able to carry your child around doesn’t mean you are weaker than you once were. It simply means they have grown too big to carry around.

Perspective is an amazingly powerful thing. How you choose to look at something can largely determine how it impacts you.

You could choose to beat yourself up, thinking you must be getting weaker because you can’t pick your adult child up and carry them around like you did when they were younger. You could also choose to look at the same situation and realize that you aren’t weaker at all, your child has simply grown to big to carry.

Does that make sense?

I’m really interested in hearing your thoughts on this.

Can anyone relate?

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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kimmy gebhardt

It may also be option 3: you have the same amount of patience and Gavin requires the same amount of patience but you have 3 other people in your house who also require it. Lizze is in pain most days and can’t always help out in the way that she wants to and you need her to; Elliott is deep into preteen angst and anxiety and is showing symptoms of being bipolar; Emmett hates shoes and his signature. I don’t say that in a flippant way, but those are just examples of what you’re dealing with from people in your house who are not Gavin. In any event, you need something just for you. Going somewhere (e.g. therapy) once a week or every other week for an hour would be a lifesaver for you. To have someone listen to you and just you and make you the important person in the room would probably go a long way in your life. Someone who isn’t taking care of your family too. Let Lizze handle the boys for an hour once a week. If she can’t do it, talk to your parents or her parents and have them help. Stop thinking that you have to fix everyone else’s problems and let someone fix yours.

Kim gebhardt

Why not do both? Music is always something I love too, but music won’t help you get to the source of your depression. That’s what therapy is for. Not many people like introspection but it’s almost always helpful. A good therapist can help with that.

Jimmy Rock

Why does anyone “run out of patience”, “lose their patience”, or have their “patience wear thin”? After time, in your case, years and years, patience can and will erode. So sure, over time, your ability to tolerate certain things can lessen. That’s why old people can be so cranky lol.

But in all seriousness, have you considered the effect of your weaning yourself off antidepressants has taken? I mean, that’s a huge variable thrown into the mix. And how would you know objectively anyway? It has to be difficult, if not impossible, to be so self-aware to be able to completely step outside of yourself to objectively analyze that…

Sorry you’re struggling…

CJ

Interesting food for thought. What was the therapists take on this?