I’ve become more confident in who I am and more comfortable being me. I recognize that I have many things to offer the right person, and they will either appreciate me or won’t. I deserve to be loved, and I deserve to be happy.
My life isn’t perfect, and I still have some insecurities, but honestly, who doesn’t. I have finally got my kids to a great place. They’re happy, healthy, and looking forward to living life. That’s a major fucking accomplishment. I was able to get my family through the worst global pandemic of our lifetime, and I did it independently. I’m so proud of that.
I still sometimes struggle with being worthy or enough, but I’m working on that, and I’m doing pretty well.
I was lying in bed the other night, sorting through all the thoughts that were relentlessly running circles in my head. I am very aware that I need to focus more on the facts and less on the feelings because when it comes to self-inventory, it’s the facts that matter. Sometimes, feelings get in the way and cloud my judgment.
It’s not easy, and it’s a real work in progress, but it helped when I focused only on the facts. Here’s what I did.
It’s no secret that work has been incredibly frustrating because I wanted to recover from the pandemic faster than I am. I was hoping to be further along in our home makeover. Those two things weigh pretty heavy on me and create a sense that I’m not doing enough or failing. You know, something along those lines.
Rather than allow the frustration I’m experiencing with the business, for example, to bring me down, I reframed it based solely on facts. Sometimes we confuse facts and feelings, especially when it comes to things about ourselves. It’s vital to identify the facts, and here’s what I was able to identify.
The facts are, I built a platform out of nothing, with absolutely zero experience. That platform has been an excellent outlet for me over the years and helped me become who I am today. I have the privilege of literally being able to sit down wherever I happen to be and write words that make a difference in people’s lives all over the globe. I get to do that every single day of my life. That’s an absolute privilege in my view.
My words have been read by tens of millions of people, all over the world, helping them to find comfort, calm, and peace in their lives. Helping struggling parents find hope, validation, and someone who gets it. I’ve made some truly amazing friends along the way. I get to share my thoughts and experiences on TV, which is not my comfort zone but I’m getting better at it. My podcast is growing rapidly, I’m building valuable partnerships, and trying to bring some positivity to the world, all while making the world of more tolerant, kind, accepting, and understanding place for people with special needs.
Is it perfect? Absolutely not.
Is it easy? Not even almost.
Am I proud of all I’ve accomplished? You better believe it!
Right now, I’m rebuilding from the nightmare that was 2020, and it’s very frustrating at times, but guess what? My business survived, and it’s bouncing back. Money will be tight from time to time while things are recovering, but I get to work from home, spend insane amounts of time with my kids watching them grow up, make a difference in people’s lives, pay my bills, and have time to spend with those most important to me. That’s pretty fucking awesome in my book.
Sometimes I forget to step back and see the bigger picture.
While I very much hate my house for a million reasons, we have a roof over our heads when so many others don’t. This house has seen two of my three kids brought into this world and helped me keep them safe while that same world was burning. I dislike my neighborhood, but I have some fantastic neighbors that I’ll miss when we move. The kids and I are giving our home a much-needed, well-deserved facelift. We will be able to make it something that fits us and our lives. That’s pretty exciting. It’s not perfect, and it doesn’t need to be.
When I focus on the facts, I can let go of the feelings that bring me down and try to run interference in my life. It’s not always easy to do, but nothing worthwhile in life is. It’s all about personal growth and being the best version of me possible.
I’m beginning a new chapter in this amazing book called life, and rather than question it, overthink it or get freaked out and run away because it’s a little scary, I’ve made a choice to embrace it instead. I’m choosing trust over doubt, faith over fear, and the future over my past. I am committed to being me and going for what I want out of life.
So much of life is a choice and I’m learning that I’m not as powerless as I once thought. This is what I finally realized. Sometimes life requires us to ride the waves and other times we need to make them instead. ☺
I choose to make waves whenever possible.