Twelve years ago today, I married my best friend. Twelve years ago today, was the best day of my life, aside from my kids being born. Rather than celebrating 12 years of marriage today, I will be sitting down with my wife and finishing up our divorce papers. I certainly wouldn't have picked today to do this it needs to get done.  Truthfully, I'm not even sure she knew what the date was when she setup this little project for today.    Like I said, it needs to get done. It's just that today is hard enough as it is and this is sorta like insult to injury.  I don't want my marriage back because it turns out that it wasn't what I thought it was and she isn't who…

I'm so not in a place to be around people right now. I tried but it's just not working out for me. Everything is setting me off because I'm so incredibly sensitive at the moment. People don't always realize how painful the end of a marriage can be for a husband who's heartbroken.  I removed myself for a bit to write because I was seriously going to explode. Not holding out much hope right now of salvaging the day. Not sure if I'm going to make it the entire time...  💔   

It's been a really good morning so far. Okay, actually I meant afternoon.. 😜 Anyway, the boys and I will be off to my parents house for an August birthday's celebration. If you didn't already know, my birthday is in August and more specifically tomorrow.  The weathers beautiful out and the temperatures just right.  While this is going to be difficult for me on an emotional level, I'm damn sure going to make the best of it. While life has taken some unexpected turns of late, it hasn't stopped altogether and I need to move forward. 😀   

My birthday is on Monday but because my family is so large, we sorta lump all the August birthdays together and celebrate on one day.  That day is today..  There's a great deal of emotion surrounding this me and I don't know if I'll be able to hold it together. I know life goes on and I have a lot of life to eventually get to but it's hard.  I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but I'm gonna try anyway.  I'm not hung up on my wife. I don't miss her, at least who she is now and I know from the bottom of my heart, that the boys and I are better off. I know that.  At the same time, I feel this tremendous loss that…

I had a really bad night, amounting to less than 2 hours of sleep. Emmett got up extremely early and was not going back to bed.  The boys let me nap this morning and I'm grateful for that beyond words because I couldn't even get my eyes to focus. I'm lucky because as long as I'm right there, I can close my eyes for a short period of time without the universe imploding. I say I'm lucky because not everyone will even get that.. 😟 The sleep that I did get was shrouded in a disorienting theme that I'm struggling with, long after they ceased to be.     Truthfully, I probably need to get a bit more help with this than I am and perhaps I'll be better able to…

The next few weeks are going to be very difficult for me. I'm an emotional person and it's not easy for me to let go of the things I truly love.  Milestone One August 24th will be my 37th birthday and the first of three milestones. I've celebrated every single one of my birthdays, since 2001, with my wife.  Even if we couldn't afford to really do anything special, we were still together and that was all I really needed.  This time however, I'll be on my own and don't really know what to do.  I don't care how this makes me sound and truthfully, I don't miss the person my wife has become. I do however, miss what I thought I had terribly.     Milestone Two About a week…