Read more about the article He’s driving me f@#king crazy today
Bipolar Disorder / Gavin / Manic / My thoughts / Schizoaffective Disorder

He’s driving me f@#king crazy today

Let me start things off by reminding everyone how much I love my kids.  I've got tons of new readers and I just want to be clear on that because of the tone of this post. That said, and with my profession of unconditional love for my children, here's the deal. They are driving me fucking crazy. More specifically, Gavin’s driving me fucking crazy. The other two are actually doing okay today. Gavin is having a really tough day, in several areas of his life. Veteran readers will probably already guess that a large part of this is in regards to his constant, incessant need to talk to me. No one has this much to say and neither does Gavin for that matter. He's just talking about totally random things…

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January 21, 2017
Gavin / Mission Debriefing / My thoughts / Schizoaffective Disorder

Should I be worried or proud?

Gavin and I were playing Minecraft tonight before he went to bed and this was the conversation we had about his latest mission today. This mission debriefing was a little concerning and a bit on the creepy side. Perhaps not listening to this with the kids in the room would be a better idea this time. The context of this mission involved someone in Gavin's world being murdered. Gavin was outraged by this act of violence and took it upon himself to return the favor as he put it. I don't know how to feel about this because the fact that he would want to murder someone, even in his world, is concerning. I worry about his thought process there but at the same time, when you hear what he ended up doing…

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November 21, 2016
Gavin / Mission Debriefing / Schizoaffective Disorder

Heartbreak: A conversation with my schizophrenic child

Gavin suffers from a disorder known as Schizoaffective disorder. This is kind of a blend between bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. We see way more schizophrenic symptoms than we do bipolar anymore. Gavin has been in a state of psychosis for many months now and shows no signs of pulling out of it. The other night, Gavin and I were playing Minecraft together on the Xbox, as we do on most nights before he goes to bed. It's something he really enjoys and I can use the game to help teach him things that are harder to teach in real life. It's just become one of our things.  While we were playing the other night, Gavin decided to share what had happened back at base. When I say back at base, it refers to…

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November 20, 2016
Read more about the article Unfortunately, Gavin isn’t getting better and tonight’s appointment is proof of that
Gavin / Mission Debriefing / My thoughts / Schizoaffective Disorder

Unfortunately, Gavin isn’t getting better and tonight’s appointment is proof of that

We met with Dr. Pattie tonight and one of the main topics was Gavin. He's officially been back on 800mg per day of Clozapine for 48 hours. While we haven't seen any improvements, we continue to see his side effects becoming more significant.   Gavin had been waiting all day to tell the three of us about his latest missions.  When it was time for him to share, he just unloaded on us.  He talked pretty much nonstop for over 20 minutes.   His adventures were more of the same. He's the indispensable hero that sees all and knows all. He uses his power to smite evil (I've been watching Supernatural, so that's my word not his) and reign over his Universe.  He told us about how he can glue…

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September 20, 2016
Read more about the article Gavin’s side effects are getting worse
Gavin / General Update / My thoughts / Psychotic Episode / Schizoaffective Disorder

Gavin’s side effects are getting worse

After four days of being on his increased dose of Clozapine, it's pretty clear that his side effects are getting worse. The side effects in question revolve around the bladder control issues, extreme dry mouth and weird mouth movements (that could just be the result of dry mouth). Gavin and I had to get our blood work done this morning after dropping Elliott off at school. Emmett stayed home but that's another post. On the way home from bloodwork, we got an appointment for Emmett with the pediatrician. We got home, picked up Emmett and Lizze before heading right back to where we had our bloodwork done. In the afternoon, Gavin and I picked up Elliott from school before parking the car for the day. My point is, we made…

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September 17, 2016
Read more about the article Gavin’s missions have taken a dark turn today and I’m at a loss
Gavin / Mission Debriefing / Psychotic Episode / Schizoaffective Disorder

Gavin’s missions have taken a dark turn today and I’m at a loss

Gavin sat Lizze and I down tonight to fill us in on some bad things that happened back at base today.  I'm going to be really honest and admit that after a little while, I shutdown. I listened to him go on and on for 25 minutes before I just couldn't take it anymore.  Self-preservation kicked in and I sorta went to my happy place.   He didn't know the difference and to him, I listened to every word he said. Apparently, Twilight Sparkle broke someone's arm today but it wasn't her fault because she was being controlled by King Modor (I think that's his name).   Long story short, Gavin and is group of super best friends, had to go track down the evil King and break his hold…

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August 26, 2016
Read more about the article I fear Gavin’s starting to lose it and that’s not good
Gavin / Psychotic Episode / Schizoaffective Disorder

I fear Gavin’s starting to lose it and that’s not good

I wanted to talk about how Gavin is doing. Lizze and I have been talking about this today and we both agree that Gavin's not doing well. For starters, he's forgetting a great more than is typical for him. Things he would normally do really well, he's unable to complete. His threshold for frustration is very, very low as well. He's debriefed us on a few missions over the last few days and while he's definitely still in a psychotic break or episode, it's his dreams that are beginning to worry me. His dreams are centered around death or dying. The other night, he had a nightmare that my Mom died.  She died because someone had stabbed her in the throat with a pitch fork.  Gavin says that he woke…

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August 13, 2016
Read more about the article Gavin gives an update on his latest mission 8/6/16 #schizoaffective
Gavin / Mission Debriefing / Schizoaffective Disorder

Gavin gives an update on his latest mission 8/6/16 #schizoaffective

Just so we're all on the same page.  Gavin suffers from a form of Schizophrenia called Schizoaffective Disorder.  He's currently in the midst of a psychotic break and living with both audio and visual hallucinations. Gavin likes to update me frequently on his missions and what's going on in his world's. Gavin spends a great deal of time in what he calls worlds.There are many of them and he's the ruler of them all.  He battles the evil forces of Eggman and Zurg with his band of visibly challenged, super best friends. I refer to them as his visibly challenged group of super best friends for a couple of reasons. For starters, they're his best friends, only he can see them and they're also super heros. I started using that…

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August 9, 2016