I'm gonna be real honest here and tell you that Gavin is driving be plumb loco. We're talking beat my head into the wall just to make it all stop. He doesn't listen and I honestly don't know if he's even capable of listening anymore.
I realize how that sounds but I swear to God that he just never seems to learn or follow directions.
At times it seems as though he's just not capable of following even the simplest of directions. I'm sooooo friggin tired of repeating myself. It would be easier and far less exhausting to just yell at him when he doesn't listen. However, I don't do that, as I feel yelling at him would only be setting a bad example and teaching him that yelling is ok.
There are times that I have to raise my voice but I rarely ever lose my patience with him.
I can't begin to explain just how exhausting that is. I'm so tired of playing nice and giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm frustrated because no matter how much time and energy I pour into Gavin, nothing seems to stick. The time and energy seems to be wasted on him and it's time and energy that I could have given the other two boys. They would actually benefit from it as well.
Most of the time I can cope but today has just been extremely stressful for me and I just can't take a whole lot from of his behaviors tonight.
Do you ever get to a point where you literally feel like your head is going to explode and you're going to go crazy if you don't get a break. Maybe not necessarily in that order but you get the point.
Something has got to give. Even if we decided to try inpatient care, I could take months and months to find a place that will both work and have open beds.
This is one of those situations that I'm screwed no matter what I do.
