I've been talking to some fantastic experts on my podcast recently. My goal is to help parents better help their kids navigate the COVID19 lockdown. The feedback thus far has been very positive and I have more interviews coming.
One of the most common things that everyone is saying is essential, especially in regards to autistic kids, is *routine.*
Routine is paramount to helping our kids feel safe, secure, and in control during these scary, uncertain times. Generally, autistic kids require a very rigid structure and a strict routine in their daily lives. I'm not going into the *whys* at this point, so please just accept that as fact, because it is pretty common knowledge.
COVID19 and our response to it has thrown our lives into chaos. Schools are shut down, families are separated, parents are home from work, and for the most part, we shouldn't be leaving the house unless it's absolutely necessary.
If you can imagine life is a snow globe, then our kid's snow globes have been shaken up. Most kids will adapt, but for kids with autism, that isn't so easy.
My kids, for example, were just learning to adapt to some massive life changes when COVID19 hit. Their snow globe has been shaken with such vigor that the snow has yet to settle, and they still can't see their hand in front of their face.
Routine and structure are among the most essential things needed to address those needs and help our kids to adapt.
Unfortunately, that's often easier said than done. That's the case in my family as well.
As I'm writing this, we're about halfway through day 59 of lockdown, and I've yet to find success in establishing a new routine. While autistic kids need structure and routine, they are also very, very resistant to change. Beginning a new routine is a lot like planting a flower. Not every seed is going to take, and not every routine is going to work. That's just the way it is.
One of the things that make this more challenging for me is that I'm on my own. I'm very much hitting a wall in regards to my own personal abilities and limitations. Implementation of a new routine is a lot of work. It requires commitment and consistency if there is to be any hope of success. Unfortunately, I'm in a place where I have no choice but to pick my battles and often, the path of least resistance is the only way forward.
The other challenge I face is trying to establish one routine for three unique autistic kids. Ideally, I would find one routine that works for everyone, but that's proven impossible thus far.
Even basic things like consistent bedtimes, meal times, and wake up calls are challenging. Everyone, including myself, is experiencing sleep disruption. I'm not sleeping well at all, and neither are the kids. Everyone is stressed, overwhelmed, and extremely anxious. For families like mine, COVID19 lockdown is like a perfect setup for a worst-case scenario.
Schoolwork has been a serialistic nightmare, and I've had to put an end to it at this point. I feel awful about that, but we're barely surviving as it is, and school work only made things worse.
My goal for this week is to focus more on subtle changes that I can build from. This isn't the first time I've tried this, but I'm not ready to give up. I'm using Mightier with Emmett, which helps him learn to emotionally self-regulate, and it does it in a way that he's learning things without being aware that he's learning. I want to model that approach somehow and find little things I can do that build up over time towards a new routine. It's a much slower process, but it's all I have at this point.
I figure if the changes are small enough, the kids will be less resistant and adapt more easily. That's my theory anyway.
I'm working out a plan, and I'll let you know how it goes. One of my significant concerns is if I end up having to homeschool or do online schooling for the kids this fall, we have to be in a position to pull that off. If I assume that's the direction I need to go in; I can work on small changes that will help to prepare them for that.
For the record, no part of homeschooling my kids a good idea. The problem is that without a vaccine, so many people not doing their part, and States opening too quickly, I have to assume the predicted second wave is going to be as bad as the experts are predicting. Gavin is immunocompromised, and the only way I know to keep him safe is to approach this as though we're all immunocompromised. It's not ideal, but I'm one person, and there's only so much I can do.
If I need to approach homeschooling or online schooling this fall, it's with the idea that it's a stop-gap solution until we have a viable vaccine, and it's reasonably safe for my kids to return to school.
At this point, I can't see how returning to school is even going to be remotely safe. We already see new spikes in the States that pushed to reopen too soon (Georgia, I'm looking at you). Spikes are occurring in Ohio, even with a very slow reopen.
The last thing I want to do aside from endangering the lives of my kids is to finally get them into a routine, only to have to start over again by sending them back to school, only to have the schools shut down a second time due to the second wave that's predicted to hit in September. I don't see a viable path forward until we have an effective vaccine that's widely available.
Am I overreacting? I honestly don't believe I am. I posted a poll on Twitter that had 4500 responses. I asked parents if they were seriously considering at-home learning due to the COVID19 pandemic. 40% said they are not comfortable sending their kids to school in the fall, especially without a vaccine. The majority of the 60% that said they weren't looking at homeschooling solutions were because they have to work. It's not that they don't agree, but they also have to feed their kids and pay their bills. I get it. This is a lose-lose situation.
I know that's just a Twitter poll, but I was surprised by how many weren't willing to send their kids to school this fall. If that's even remotely accurate, that's a huge shift.
Anyway, the absolute priority for me is to keep my kids safe and healthy. Lizze and I have been back and forth on this, and we can't seem to find a workable solution that doesn't put the kids at unacceptable risk. She's currently researching home education options for me, and we'll go from there. We are united on this, and I'm grateful for that.
COVID19 is not behind us yet. We are still very much in the thick of it. Human nature is to take a mile when we're given an inch. As we begin easing restrictions, I genuinely fear what's going to happen. As parents, we have to do what we feel is best for our families. These aren't easy decisions, and I know many factors come into play while making them. All you can do is your best. I have a high-risk child, and that dramatically changes the calculus for me, as it does for anyone in that situation.
I have to take this one day at a time but keep an eye on the very near future. I have to think ten moves ahead because I do not want to be caught off guard.
