Today marks day 70 of COVID19 lockdown for my family. It's been a long journey and I'm afraid we aren't even almost *there* yet.
I'm preparing to remain locked down as long as it takes to keep my family safe. Yes, it's a massive sacrifice but the alternative is unacceptable to me. We have made some progress in one area and I wanted to share that.
All visits had stopped due to lockdown. Gavin's immunocompromised and Lizze has high risk people in her house. I approached Lizze about finding a way to make at least one visit work.
After some discussion, we decided that if everyone in her house locked down for 14 days, and at the end of that time, everyone was fever free and healthy, we could allow the kids to spend 2 days with her. This is not easy for me to do because I have to trust where trust is difficult. I feel like Lizze understands the gravity of this and while it's hard for me to let go a little right now, I think it's good for them to see her and I think it's good for her to see them.
There are many complications that I've not spoken about in regards to the ending of my marriage and I have reasons for everything I do. None of my actions are malicious in any way. Every decision I make that might appear that way in the outside, is made in concert with the advice and guidance of the kids doctors and therapists. Everything is about the kids.
It's not that I fear Lizze will do anything to hurt the kids. I know she wouldn't. This is more about me letting go during a time that I know I can only ensure their safety if I don't let go. Does that make sense?
If we all stay on lockdown, we can't get sick. This is vital for Gavin especially.
Speaking of Gavin. At this point, he is refusing to go and insists on waiting until this is all over before leaving the house, even if it means he can't see his mom and extended family for a long time. He doesn't want his brothers to go either.
It's not that he doesn't want to see them. He absolutely wants to go but fear is driving him right now.
Lizze and I have been talking about how to handle this and neither one of us want to force him. He's got legit concerns about his health but his decision is based on not grasping how everything works.
If Lizze even remotely thought that anyone in her house was sick, had broken quarantine, she would never allow the kids to be exposed, even if it meant she couldn't see them. It's just that simple.
While on one hand, I know Lizze is where she is because she chose that path, and an unforeseen consequence is that she's not with her kids during this time, she's also sacrificing as well. She could have pushed to see the kids and created an unpleasant situation but she didn't. It wouldn't have changed anything but it would have been uneasant and harder to say the least. Instead, she put them first and I'm grateful for that. We've been a team throughout the pandemic in this regard. I know this hasn't been easy for her and I know it's not been easy for the kids.
I am very nervous about sending them because I only have control over what happens in my house, but we're going about this the right way and Lizze will ensure they stay safe.
If things get as bad as the public health officials are fearing, I don't know if or when we will be able to do this again. It's important that we take advantage of the opportunity.
For this to work, everyone in her house had to agree to be locked down for 14 days prior to the kids coming over. That meant no trips to the store or leaving the house at all. Absolutely no exposure to anyone outside of the people living in their house. That's not always easy but they're committed.
As the weather gets nicer and the state continues to open, that will be harder to commit to. Unfortunately, that's the only way this will be possible until we have a vaccine.
The plan is for the kids to go over for 2 nights next week. I'm working to help Gavin better understand the situation. He spoke with his grandma yesterday and she went over all the precautions they've taken but Gavin's just not having it right now.
Selfishly, if he doesn't go, it's not going to be a break for me. I desperately need a break, especially from some of his behaviors. I explained that even if he stays home, his brothers will still go. He won't be protecting himself by not going.
We'll see what happens. I'm not giving up just yet.
