Why I’m not asleep at 3 AM

Lizze and I had a quiet evening tonight. Her parents ended up taking the boys, and that worked out well because I feel like shit. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I just don’t feel well. 

My stomach is upset and my head hurts. I fell asleep on the couch for awhile but it’s now 3 AM and I can’t fall asleep again. I don’t know if this is a stomach bug or if it’s the culmination of stress from the past week or so. It doesn’t really matter because the end result is the same. 

I’m hoping to get some sleep tonight and be feeling better in the morning. It’s really important to me that I at least make it to my parents reception around lunch time. 

It depends on how I’m feeling, because Lizze can’t drive. 

Looking beyond my parents renewing their vows, I’m worried about how Emmett’s doing, and what we’re going to do for Monday. He was still running a fever on Saturday morning, and that doesn’t bode well for today. 

Part of me just wants to cut the school year off right now and eliminate that stressor, because it sucks. Lizze and I are stressed out, and poor Emmett is stressed out because he doesn’t like missing school. The more stressed out he gets, the more frequently these fever cycles seem to hit. 

Today will make day ten. It’s been ten days since we became aware of this particular fever cycle. 

I’m so overwhelmed right now. A huge part of me wants to take a Zofran so I don’t puke, and just hide in my bed for a week. I could honestly sleep that long. 

Having said that, we Autism parents are used to facing what seems like insurmountable challenges. I know I’ll make it through this and everything will likely work out, or work out the way it’s meant to anyway. 

I would love to feel like I had some control over my life. 

I’ll be grateful to make it through today in one piece, and if it’s not too much to ask, I’d really like to see Emmett go to school on Monday. 

Prayers said and fingers crossed… 

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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