I’ve been meaning to write this for some time now. For some reason, I just never got around to it.
I was reminded recently and have decided to share this with you all now.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve driven back and forth to Akron Children’s Hospital countless times. Gavin’s been hospitalized 3 times in the last month or two. During each stay, I had to drive through downtown Akron on a Friday night.
I love my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world but goddamn if I’m not jealous of all the people I saw having fun on a Friday night. I remember those days, although truthfully, the memories are becoming more and more fuzzy. I miss having friends and going out on the weekends. I miss being able to unwind behind the handle of a tall, draft beer.
From my car window, it seems like they are all having so much fun.
There was a time before all of this that I was one of those people. I went out at night and chilled with friends.
When Lizze and I were dating, we would go out as often as we could. At some point, the time and distance between nights out, increased to a point that I don‘t even remember the last time we had a nice dinner and went to a movie. It’s sad, really.
Through the window of my car, everyone looks happy and carefree. I realize that from a distance the grass always looks greener but I guess I don‘t necessarily envy their lives but instead their freedom to be where they are.
Does that make sense?
I don‘t want their lives, but sometimes it would be nice to have a sense of normalcy.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been bit by the green eyed monster. I just get tired of all the drama, trauma, screaming and fighting. It would be nice if things would just slow down for a little while.
Do any of you ever feel the same way?
I would never trade my life for anyone else’s but that doesn’t mean I don‘t wish I could incorporate a bit more freedom and fun into mine.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
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This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.
Rob, you couldn't have written this on a better day for me to read. I needed to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think this way a lot when we are around other friends with children about my sons age. Thats when i am reminded a lot of the differences between my son and NT kids. Sometimes it's even from looking at my friends pictures on facebook. Their families on a fun vacation or outing, smiling and having a good time. Those type of days seem so few and far between for us now. We can barely go to the grocery without some sort of tantrum. Thank you for sharing this!
You are soooooo not alone. Someone down the street is having a huge party tonight. There are tons of people there. I miss being invited or included in things like that..
Hang in there. 🙂
I completely understand where you are coming from. I look at other families and envy them for not dealing with the tantrums, the constant guessing of what my child is trying to tell me, the stares in public when she screams and cries. I envy those with neurotypical children. I wish I could go out more with my husband and not worry about finding a sitter who can handle Erin. I feel guilty that my other kids are held back a bit from outings because of Erins problems with differing environments. The only thing I can do is take it day by day and when a good day comes around celebrate it!! Prayers and positive vibes coming your way… GOD BLESS:)
Thanks. Living with the cards dealt isn\’t always easy but it\’s life and is always worth it.