Lizze is not often a topic of conversation here very often but I am going to change that. I think that what Lizze is experiencing plays a very big role in our lives. So I will be updating more often.
Lizze is not doing very well. She is in horrible pain all the time. Literally, all the time. She has migraines just about every single day. Her sleep disorder is getting worse as well. There are times that she will fall asleep right in the middle of doing something. It really makes things more difficult because it completely throws the dynamic off. I know it isn’t easy for her either. She feels incredible guilt because she can’t do the things she would like to or used to be able to do. I wish I could convince her that I’m not angry. Honestly, I’m frustrated because all of this puts a huge amount of responsibility on my shoulders and ties my hands at the same time. I know it’s not her fault and I DO NOT blame her for her health. I can be frustrated and at the same time not be angry. I wish there was some way to take this burden away form her. I wish I could make it better……….
To be completely honest, I’m scared to death of losing her. I don’t know how to exist without her… I have nightmares of her dying all the time. One of the problems we have is that the kids require so much of our attention (especially Emmett) that her health or even mine for that matter gets put onto the back burner. I haven’t walked in over a month. I was walking 6 to 8 miles every day and that was HUGE for me. I know Lizze is miserable and there is little I can do to make it better.
To make matters worse insurance has refused to pay for the hysterectomy she has scheduled for next month. They don’t think it’s “medically necessary”. I’m sure it will get covered because it is very medically necessary and there is no other option. She had somewhat come to terms with having the procedure and now this. The surgery is scheduled for 3 weeks out so we do need to get this fixed soon.
I have more respect for Lizze then I do any other single person on this planet. She never complains and always tries to hide her pain. She actually fools most people but not me……