Aspergers and discipline

We had another situation with Gavin this morning. I walked into Elliott’s room and saw that someone had ripped the shade down in Elliott’s window…..again. These are the kind that you pull down and they stay and you pull them again and they go up.
Gavin really struggles with the concept of these shades and so he ends up pulling them completely down and ripping them off the rod. He just did this a few days ago and I told him then that he is to NOT touch the blinds anymore….period. He said “OK” as he watched me fix it in front of him.

This morning I walk into Elliott’s and see the blinds ripped off the rod again. I asked Gavin about it and he did his “silent little twisty dance” that he dose when he knows he has been caught. He said he did it. I reminded him about what I said the last time. Then when he realized he was in trouble he changed his story. I told him that he was having oatmeal for lunch because he knew he wasn’t supposed to touch the shades. None of the other boys touch the shades. So I believe that Gavin did it,  as he admitted to until he was in trouble.

Gavin then begins to meltdown and I simply walked him into his room and shut the door so I could get the boys downstairs. Lizze was in the phone with the group from Case Western and had to hang up to help out with Gavin. I called Gavin down and gave him a chance to explain his side of the story. He said he was confused and thought that when I pointed to the shade and asked if he had broken it again, that I was referring to the last time he broke it.

I explained to him that we have a very difficult time believing him because he doesn’t always tell us the truth. I want to be able to believe him but history shows that he isn’t honest with us most of the time, for whatever reason. Truthfully, I don’t know what to believe. All I know is he is the only one that does that to the shades and he admitted it at first. Then he changed his story when he was going to get into trouble AND he has a long history of dishonesty. I did what I thought was the right thing to do. Gavin had oatmeal for lunch and here’s why. He admitted to breaking the shades until he thought he was in trouble and he has a history of lying or being “less than” honest with us. If he truly didn’t do that this time, which I doubt, then it will “hopefully” help to reinforce just how very, very important it is that he be honest with us all the time.

Maybe that seems a bit harsh but I’m shooting from the hip and trying to do the best thing I can think of to address this situation. Besides, Gavin couldn’t have a normal lunch anyway because of the whole bowel prep thing.

I do feel bad, especially if he really didn’t do it. I HATE not giving Gavin the benefit of the doubt but I have been around the block with him quite a few times already. To Gavin’s credit he ate the oatmeal and NEVER complained, so that was a great choice on his part.

Gavin, if you ever read this I hope you can understand that I do this because I love you and I want you to have the best life possible. Remember we talked about how different people learn in different ways? Well you learn a bit differently then some other people do and we are doing our best to help you learn right from wrong because it is SO important to know these things as you get older. You are capable of great things and we are trying to help you make the right choices in life so that you can grow up to be whatever you want to be.

 

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April Broussard

I say….Good Parenting. 🙂

Lost_and_Tired

Thanks a bunch 🙂

Zoila

"No" is so hard for them, huh. It's so finite. I know the other day was rough for Gabe as well.. I hadn't had an all day issue with him in awhile…you know the screaming, punching, banging… It was god awful. It's always so shocking.
My recent post No Sleep for Gabe= Gremlin

Zoila

You know what. We had the same issue with Gabe and if we go to someones house.. he tends to do the same thing there. A lot has to do with those damned fine motor skills and preconception issues… But we took all the blinds down. And because they are sensitive to the light we got super heavy drapes.

He maybe breaking them, but may not be meaning to. As for the dishonesty…. how calm were you when you asked? Gabe will be honest at first, then give us like 3 different stories, and before you know he is talking about some crazy off the all made up story. I noticed that if he feels threatened. Anxiety kits in over drive. He will try to tell us what we want to hear, but he doesn't want to get into trouble either. Rather then accusing him of lying. We tell him that he will not get in trouble if the tells the truth. And from there, rather then time outs we do a lot of social modeling type of talking. Ask him how could he have handle "X" differently, yada yada yada. You know the stuff their lil brains have to work extra hard at being aware.

I am sure he knows you love him. But he may not know exactly what he did wrong, but it was wrong so he was in trouble. Sure he broke it. But he may not be aware at HOW he is breaking it. It maybe that damn shiny syndrome.. you know where he's gotta look, check it out, touch it, next thing it's broken. Good luck Rob.

My recent post He’s not as innocent as he looks

Lost_and_Tired

Thanks. When I asked him I was very calm. He was simply trying to help BUT he needs to learn that
No means no.

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