I wrote this morning about Gavin tripping Emmett. I have been trying to figure out what to do as far accountability goes.
Nothing with Gavin is ever cut and dry. So we have to be very careful not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions.
I decided to speak with Gavin about about what happened, because I wasn’t present at the time of the incident.
Part of the reason this is so complicated is because when Lizze questioned him about what happened, he just freaked out.
Traditionally, that was a pretty good indicator of where he was coming from when he does something.
Right or wrong, when it reacts in that manner, it makes him look guilty.
Upon picking up Gavin from school he was, off a little bit. I asked him what was wrong. He explained that he had asked his teacher for permission to make a list.
This list he wanted to make was basically, things he wanted to change about himself. I don’t think his teacher realized what he was actually doing.
As I’m driving him home, he goes on to list some of the things he would like to change. I honestly, don’t remember the rest of the list because after the first words came out of his mouth, it took everything I had not to break the down.
Gavin said “I’m going to try really hard and learn to control my body, that way I don’t accidentally hurt someone again, because I don’t want to hurt anyone Dad”.
At this point I have tears streaming down my face, because I realize that he’s holding himself accountable for something he cannot control.
This also explains what happened this morning.
I asked him what happened this morning when Emmett got hurt. He explained, “I didn’t tell leg to move, it just did. I would never hurt my brother’s on purpose”.
What am I supposed to say to that?
I did my best to explain that some things are out of his control and therefore not his fault. I also told him that I believed him and that I know he didn’t mean to trip his brother.
It was all I had at the time…
Nothing ever comes easy….
– Lost and Tired
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it's so hard to know what to say when your children do things like that. I am still trying to learn how to best handle meltdowns with my little screamer because I'm so sensitive to noise that his screaming drives me over the edge.
I guess we just try day to day to handle our situations the best way we can.
My recent post Seeing things…
That reminds me of one of the first times our oldest took Ritalin for his ADHD. He asked me "Do you believe in God?" and continued "Well I do, because I prayed for being able to behave and now He sent me these meds." I haven't had tears in my eyes for a long time before that.
My recent post Theory of mind
🙁 glad he was able to discuss it without freaking out! hopefully at some point he will feel comfortable TELLING you when he's having specific issues like this…
I do have to say that I am glad he's showing remorse. Not because he did it, but because that proves he realizes his actions (intentional or not) affect more then just him. (which in itself is a good thing right!?)
VERY well said and an excellent point 🙂
glad/sad it wasn`t intentional.
awwww, now i’m crying. such a sweet heart.