I was wondering if your child is a perfectionist? We have struggles with this in the Lost and Tired household.
All three of my boys have a tendency to want things perfect. However, Gavin is an absolute perfectionist, at least most of the time.
Much of this stems from his abusive biological father. He used to tell Gavin things like “only losers make mistakes”. He had many more pearls of wisdom that he graciously bestowed upon Gavin, many along the same lines.
Gavin, typically doesn’t tolerate imperfection…especially from himself. It seems that no matter how hard we work to overcome the whole perfectionist thing, it just never seems to click.
Do any of you folks ever deal with this sort of thing? If so, what have you done to work with this?
My little guy whose Autistic tendencies are starting to come through a lot in the past year has certain things that need to be perfect. He likes his daily routine but is not that rattled by a change to it. Today, for instance, I put on a long sleeve shirt on him. The sleeves have to be all the way down. If you pull up his sleeves, he has to pull them back down. At bedtime, the bed, pillows, and blankets have to be a certain way or the singing (his meltdown coping mechanism) starts. Don't get the bed made fast enough, the crying starts.
Overall , he likes things to be his way, but can deal with it if it has to change.
*sigh* Yes, I hear your frustration. I am a recovering perfectionist myself, but I don't know how to help my son. I tell him as he sobs over a misformed letter, "It's ok." And he sobs/screams, "NO IT'S NOT OK!" I've been told by many other spectrum parents it takes a long time and you have to find ways to show them mistakes are ok, like make your own on purpose, or when you make a mistake, share it and how to deal with it. Sure looks like a long road of endurance from here…
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