Folks, I really could use your advice. We are finding ourselves in a dilemma with regards to Gavin.
Gavin has always been difficult to discipline. He has so many challenges in his young Life, both health wise and mental health wise. In many areas, Gavin is only about 3 or 4 years old, developmentally. Trying to discern what is a willful act as apposed to something completely outside of his control, is becoming more and more difficult.
I want to be very careful that we hold him accountable for his less than good choices and at the same time be understanding of the things that he has no control of.
The problem we have is knowing what is what. I’ll give you an example.
How do we know when Gavin can’t actually remember something we told him? We can’t. The truth is that Gavin’s memory is slipping away, so it’s very possible that he doesn’t remember things. However, there are also times where he says he doesn’t remember and I know that he does.
We had a situation this morning where I sent Gavin to his room. Before he went upstairs, he stopped to do something he wanted to do, instead of what I told him to do. Then he told me to wait. Which in and of itself wasn’t a big deal. However, when I asked him what he said, he says that he never said anything. Lizze and I both heard him say it, however, he insists that we were wrong.
Does he really not remember or his is playing us?
While this wasn’t a very big deal, it’s just one example of something that is happening all the time.
Basically, when it comes to knowing what to do, we either have to guess or assume. Neither of those are pleasant options but we don’t have anything else to go on.
The other part to this is maybe not the most rational but it plays a big role in how I respond to these situations. Gavin is chronically ill. No one knows how bad things are going to get or the long term prognosis. From what we have seen so far, my gut tells me that the prognosis isn’t good. I realize that’s not very optimistic but I deal with reality and that is the likely scenario.
If we have limited time to spend with Gavin, I don’t want to spend it in a way that I will regret for the rest of my life. Does that make sense?
I mean, which way is the injustice to him? Addressing, the problem behavior or letting it slide? We will always ensure the safety of our boys, so if Gavin is being dangerous, than I will quash that immediately. Having said that, I don’t know if we should step back or just more carefully pick our battles.
How do discipline a chronically ill child? How do you know what is within their control when even the experts can’t tell you.
I absolutely hate being in this position. It friggin sucks. 🙁
< em>**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
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