Perpetuating the cycle

Perpetuating the cycle

I hate this zero tolerance policy for touching.  It’s a necessary evil but at the same time it’s a huge pain in the ass. We have to do zero tolerance because Gavin simply doesn’t respect a broader boundary. We’ve tried it for years and he always tries to take things,  just one step further.

He was supposed to get his privileges back this morning,  and honestly,  I was excited about that.

However,  not only did he touch Elliott this morning but he was also sneaking TV as well. The touching was not inappropriate,  aside from the fact that he’s not supposed to be touching his friggin brothers. It was however,  totally avoidable but instead he choose to touch Elliott.

Before that,  he came downstairs and wanted to help clean the front room. In reality though,  that was an excuse to be able to watch TV and that’s exactly what he was doing.

All of this led to another meltdown.  Zero tolerance means zero tolerance.  There’s no wiggle room and that’s the problem.  I hate that we have to do this.  If he accidentally touches his brothers,  I want to be able to say,  accidents happen. The problem is that there is no way to identify an accident from any other attempt to touch his brothers.

It really is a lose lose situation.

We are constantly having to enforce this policy and it’s exhausting.  That doesn’t even speak to the level of guilt I feel for having to do this in the first place. 

This is becoming a perpetual cycle.  Gavin,  knowingly breaks the rules and is corrected if caught.  Gavin melts down because he is angry that he is caught. The house is held hostage while he’s freaking out and Gavin has consequences for his actions.  This happens over and over.  Repeating the same behavior over and over again but expecting different results is the very definition of insanity.

I think we crossed that bridge awhile back and while I feel guilty for enforcing this,  I probably shouldn’t. I mean,  Gavin is the one perpetuating this cycle by repeating the same behavior in an attempt to test both the boundaries set forth by his therapist and our resolve,  in regards to enforcing those boundaries.

It’s like touch the same hotel burner,  over and over again,  knowing that it will burn every time,  but expecting to walk away uninjured.

I will just have to do what I have to do.  The safety and we’ll being of everyone in the house has to come before Gavin’s need to push the limits. While I don’t feel good having to do this,  I will persevere because it’s best for the rest of my family and essential to Gavin’s prison free future. 

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Hi, Rob-once again, you’re doing an outstanding job. Please don’t feel guilty at all for anything! By insisting on a zero tolerance policy, you will be saving Elliot and Emmett plus potential other victims from a lifetime of shame, self doubt, and inability to form trusting relationships, to name a few. I’m 46 years old and it was only last year that I was able to acknowledge my sexual rape and abuse at 11 years old. My only hope is for others to be saved from a life sentence of self hatred and shame and for others to be spared my pain. Once again you’re doing an exceptional job, Rob and Lizze and you are to be proud. Keep us posted.

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