Tough decisions that many won’t understand

There was a showdown in the Lost and Tired corral this afternoon.  Gavin has been having issues throughout the day, most of which we have let slide.  We did so to try and keep the peace.

Lizze nor I have the energy to deal with meltdown, if it can be avoided.

However,  as we were sitting down to dinner,  Lizze had asked Gavin a question. It was an it was a simple question and instead of answering her,  he screamed at her. 

That was it,  I had run out of patience.



When we spoke with Dr.  Pattie on Tuesday, we had decided that we must cracked down on his treatment of Lizze. His disrespectful attitude towards her will not be tolerated. It would be the same for any of the other boys.

Something else that Dr.  Pattie mentioned was that Gavin had many qualities of a child with attachment disorder.  That will be a whole other posts if anything ever comes of that.

The moment he screamed at Lizze,  I pulled him aside and told him that he would be having oatmeal for dinner.  I explained that we had been very patient with his behavior today but he will not disrespect his mother.
Of course,  that led to a massive meltdown.  Self-injury,  stomping,  screaming and flinging himself around,  we’re all on tap. 

It took Lizze and both a little while to get him to go upstairs.

At one point, as I was walking with him up the stairs,  he turned to me and screamed as loud as he could,  right in my face.  I carefully,  and I mean carefully,  pinched his cheeks to stop the screaming.  At this point I had to tap out and let Lizze step in because I didn’t want to lose my cool.  Lizze and I always back each other up in these situations so that of one of us gets pulled in to deep we can tap out before we lose our temper.  It’s worked out quite well over the years.

Eventually Gavin went to his room and we let him chill there for about 30 minutes. 

The boys were visibly and understandably upset so we fed Gavin dinner,  after the boys had already had a peaceful dinner. 

After Gavin finished his dinner,  I told him that he would not be playing with his brothers tonight and that he would need to go read his book until it was time for bed.  When he was that out of control,  we tend to keep him as isolated from the boys as we can,  at least for a while. We just want to play things on the safe side.

Lizze and I are going to talk tonight and try and figure out a plan of attack.  Something has to change and change significantly. These meltdowns are getting more and more violent.  He’s also engaging in more violent play and seems to enjoy scaring his brothers.
I forgot to mention that when we picked him up from the hospital on Monday and we’re on our way home after picking up the other boys, Gavin told Elliott that the hospital tortured him

Lizze shut him down but Gavin kept scaring Elliott. Elliott is already terrified of the hospital and doctors in general.  Gavin knows this.

I fear that we have some tough decisions ahead of us.

Our love for Gavin is never in question,  however,  our ability to cope with his behavior much longer,  is.

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

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This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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If I did anything like that to my parents, oatmeal would be the very least of my problems. You guys should tell Gavin that if he continues to treat his mother like that, then he will have to go live somewhere else for a while. And then send him away for a week. At this point, the only thing that he will understand is if he loses his family.

Kathy Buehler
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Kathy Buehler

Boy, I do understand. Sometimes the best deal is to be disconnected from him for a bit. As he clearly is posing a danger to himself, and probably others if he could get to them, just naybe it is time for some inpatient help. If he is able to understand that separation is a real consequence of his actions, it might do him some good. If he is not able to comprehend that, at the very least, the rest of you can catch your breath. It took a visual like that here, but I know how hard it is to… Read more »

Jenn Irving
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Jenn Irving

I can only imagine the torture this is. Jamie is violent and his meltdowns are paiinful to be in the house with. We get him throwing chairs at doors, at us, smacking us, kicking us in the face. The worst is his treatment of his brother. I feel so sorry for Iain, and it's been mentioned that Iain behaves like an abused child…..and he's 7. I 'm scared to death what will happen as he gets older and bigger. I'm eager to see how you, Lizze, and Gavin work this out. It didn't help he was in the hospital, so… Read more »

Jodi p
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Jodi p

I think you need to look at residential treatment It seems hard so many parents fight it. But with a challenging child such as Gavin you can be there visit etc for the good times with him and others deal with the bad. ( it’s not a “cop out”). Some will say that but there is a time When caring for a child becomes too much and you need to let go and believe things will even be good for Gavin and his quality of life being in an environments that can focus more on him. Not that you have… Read more »

aimee
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aimee

Residential care. Elliot and Emmett deserve a safe home to grow up in, and let’s face it – if Gavin can’t return to school would you like to live in hell? Just the creepy ‘Lllliiiiiiiizzzzzzzzaaaaayyyyyyyy’ crap he screams during a meltdown would have me call an exorcist. How is that good for her health? Or modifying his behavior?

Rob Gorski
Admin

You\’re right. I was never sure how to spell out that weird noise he makes. It is creepy. What\’s even creepier the way he will shut the meltdown off like nothing happened.

Thank you