The honeymoon phase is officially over ;*(

The honeymoon phase with Gavin is officially over. We had our first full fledged meltdown since his return from the psych unit. He’s done pretty well until this point and I give him all the credit in the world for that. However, while his physical behavior has been better his continued disrespect for Lizze has continued to get worse.

After meeting with Dr. Patti last night, we have all agreed that we must crack down on the disrespect. There is absolutely no excuse for this type of behavior.

It was also decided that we would maintain the oatmeal thing but since he says it doesn’t bother him anymore, we need to add something in addition to it. For example, we can have him write “I will be respectful to my mother, she loves me and deserves better” like 25 times. Something to that affect.

He’s jumped right back into the very self-injurious behavior once again. He has shown no aggression towards anyone else, so that’s a plus.

Having said that, we are going to have to follow through on our threat to call the police, if this continues. Absolutely no part of me wants to open that can of worms.

Right now, the only reason we allowed this today was because he did this minutes before Lizze was getting picked up for her MRI. She has missed it at least twice now due to something Gavin related and she needs to get this done. The obvious downside is that I have to deal with this on my own.

The funny thing or not so funny thing, depending on how you look at it, is he kept stopping his meltdown so that he could check his heart rate. As soon as he was done, he would start all over again.

If that isn’t control, I don’t know what is.

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Carlyoung

With Marc, we don't withhold meals either.  But we don't make anything special.  it is his choice if he wants to eat or not.  We have specific snack times and he knows what they are.  I like the idea of having a default meal though. Marc would see it as a reward for his behavior though.

lostandtired

 @Carlyoung Hang in there Carl. 🙂

momof4

Does he eat oatmeal for all three meals then?
 

lostandtired

@momof4 not at all. He had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, with some fruit. He will however, have oatmeal for dinner. It's our default meal is someone doesn't like what we are having. We are cooking out on the grill tonight. However, Gavin has lost his choice for dinner and gets the default oatmeal in place of the main course.

We never withhold food. We just remove his ability to choose what he will have for dinner. On nights like this, it's very effective.

PurpleLogicGlitch

Very interesting that he had a meltdown when the family focus was not on him. Just an observation. You have mentioned that his emotional maturity is at about 4 and he loves attention, whether it be negative or positive. The more you ask him to be accountable, the worse he behaves. He cannot put into words why he is horrid to his mom. He might resent that she takes some of the attention away from him. These are just an outsider's observations and I am sure there is much more to all of it than it seems. 

lostandtired

 @PurpleLogicGlitch That's actually a really good point. The other thing I was thinking is that he tends to hold a grudge. While they were at the hospital, Lizze wouldn't allow him to eat some of the things that he had wanted to eat because he was still having tummy issues. He was very upset about that. 
 
Something as simple as that can be all the reason he needs. 
 
This reminds of of a story. This might be before your time here. A few years ago, Gavin was playing outside at recess and wandered intot he middle of a football game that the older kids were playing. Gavin got knocked over my this kid twice his size. The kid was really sorry and helped Gavin up. The whole thing was an accident but Gavin was really angry at him. 
 
About two weeks later, they were outside again and Gavin went over to this kid and tried to make him angry enough to hit him. The kid had no idea what was going on so he got a teacher involved. Gavin started freaking out saying that the kid started it by knocking him over first.
 
What Gavin was referring to happened two weeks earlier and was an accident. Gavin held a grudge for that long and then tried to get the kid to hit him in order to get revenge.
 
That's scary..

OnyxPanthyr

 @lostandtired Wow….

lostandtired

 @OnyxPanthyr I know right..

OnyxPanthyr

 @lostandtired Wow….

Chloe123

All I can say is HUGS thinking of you! Yes, it sounds like there is control, if he can stop and start like that….. not sure on this one! 

lostandtired

 @Chloe123 Thanks Chloe. 🙂

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