The missing filter


The day is steadily going downhill.  Gavin is being,  well,  Gavin. He’s not really doing anything wrong.  It’s just that he gets saying everything that he’s thinking,  with no regard to who is around him or how little and impressionable their ears are. 

Do any of you have this problem?

For example,  this morning Gavin announced to everyone how much he just loves comfy pants.  Not a big deal,  right?  Right!

However,  he literally wouldn’t stop talking about it.  It got to the point where Emmett decided that he wants comfy pants as well.  Again,  not a huge deal, right?  Right!

The problem was that Emmett’s pants weren’t clean and because we couldn’t produce them,  he lost it. 

Emmett’s already in a bad place because he’s in so much pain and now he’s upset because Gavin has his comfy pants on now and he doesn’t. 

After the whole ordeal was over with,  I found myself quite frustrated because the whole thing was avoidable.  We made Gavin go upstairs and change back into regular pants.

Gavin lost the right to wear his comfy pants outside of his bedroom, awhile ago, because of how much easier it is to um…expose himself. 

I’ll just leave it at that.

He knew that he wasn’t allowed to wear them but he made the choice to do not anyway. Not only that but he made this huge deal about how amazing they were,  bringing them to Emmett’s attention to them and subsequently creating a demand for something that we didn’t have on hand.

Was it Gavin’s fault? Only in the sense that the whole thing transpired as a result of him doing something that he knew he wasn’t supposed to do.

What was his motivation? Who the hell knows.I know that I don’t. 

I also don’t know why he would do any of that in the first place.  It was like he was purposefully drawing attention to the pants that he had changed into.

Maybe that was his way of testing the limits and seeing if we would say something to him and make him change or if we would decide not to pick that battle and let it slide.

All I know for sure is that the day is now sliding right into the crapper.

You know how you can get aftermarket parts for your car or whatever?  I would love for someone to make an invention that can provide a filter for those who need it.  Gavin is one of those people who need it.

Do you know anyone that could use a filter? Do tell….

This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct hate me.

Please join our Autism Help Forums

Look for “Autism Help” app at the Google Play Store


0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

13 Comments
most voted
newest oldest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Stephanie

 @lostandtired fair enough. maybe i misunderstood. i've been known to misunderstand on occasion. sometimes it seems like you're laying blame for…typical behaviors that come with being a kid and/or on the autism spectrum. in general (note: in _general_) every family has one. a person onto which they often lay blame. i was that person for many years. as a result, i tend to get highly irritated when it seems that another person is getting that treatment. it is a really sucky feeling and, often times, no one is even away of how that person feels because they don't talk about it. i have three siblings that share every single thought and obsess ad infinitum until we can either find a different topic to catch their interest or…we've listened to the monologue run it's course (which can be pretty annoying/boring). once upon a time, i was prone to the same thing. they either distracted me or did a lot of "uh huh", "is that right?", and "neat" until i finally stopped talking. i dunno if that is sarcasm or…annoyance, or what, but for what it is worth, i think that you are a great person/father. the way i interpreted this particular post was basically…1) Gavin shouldnt have been wearing those pants outside of his room as he lost his privilege to do so. He wore them anyway, which was wrong. (I got that) and 2) He talked about them being comfortable…a lot. For a long period of time. To the point of annoyance. Emmett wanted to wear comfortable pants as well but could not as his were dirty. He became upset. That's is considered Gavin's fault because he was wearing the pants (which is where i found issue. what if he had been talking about them regardless? in this case, he WAS wearing them, but that, in and of itself, is not what caused the actual issue. the issue was him talking about loving comfortable pants and Emmett wanting to wear his as a result of hearing that conversation. Gavin could have had the same conversation, without wearing the pants, and the result would have been exactly the same. Emmett would have wanted comfortable pants and they still would have been inaccessible.). in any case, i am sorry for any perceived offense.

lostandtired

@Stephanie no need to apologize 🙂 I'm not offended. The thing that you have to remember with Gavin is that he is very likely a sociopath. That means he has no regard for how his behaviors impact others. He simply doesn't care. The hard part for us is trying to establish what behavior is what. 🙂

lostandtired

@PurpleLogicGlitch that's a great point and part of the problem. However, Gavin's not maturing emotionally, he's been stuck at 3 or 4 since he was 3 or 4. That's one of the things that doctors can take figure out. Many people will eventually "catch up". Gavin is not one of those people.

rmagliozzi

I agree with Purple LogicGlitch that it was probably attention seeking, wanting to have his brothers think he is cool and want to be like him. Also, remember he has OCD, and once they get fixated on something it's a battle trying to get them to let go of the idea or thought. Gavin has now hit his teenage years and I am sure like many teenagers, might think he rules the roost, so to speak.

lostandtired

@rmagliozzi what's so difficult is that we have no idea, what is what. Because of the conduct disorder and sociopathy, we have to be very, very careful.

PurpleLogicGlitch

I think Gavin's motivation almost all of the time is to be the center of attention. As long as he is talking he has your attention or drowns out everyone else. Think how a toddler behaves, sadly our children with AS seem to be toddler like until past puberty and then the skip right to prepubescent. and at around 18 become teens. A very slow emotional maturity curve. I am anxiously awaiting for my 19 yr old to become an adult and think it may take 10 more years. 

Chloe123

Here is the site I got it from, check it out, cause it says so many wonderful resources on it. : )http://jillkuzma.wordpress.com/

lostandtired

@Chloe123 thanks Chloe 🙂

Stephanie

it's not his fault that emmett flipped out. if he isn't allowed to wear them and was blatantly doing so then, yeah, that is deserving of a consequence. but, geez, blaming him for emmett having a fit about his comfortable pants being dirty? that is pretty messed up. yeah, he was going on about it. people with AS are prone to going on about things. some more than others. but unless he was actively taunting the kid or something, this is not a situation where blame should be cast. all three of my siblings are like that. you talk about something that you like and they suddenly want it. if they cant have it they tantrum or, less often, melt down. it happens. you just have to explain that you can always have what you want immediately and go on with it. ignore the tantrum, console the kid, whatever needs to be done. but you cant BLAME a kid for talking about something that he likes. unless you know, without any doubt, that he was expressing his fondness for the pants specifically to set emmett off i don't see any logical reason to be annoyed with him because of the way emmett reacted.

lostandtired

@Stephanie walk a mile in my shoes. Plus you misunderstood the point of the whole post. I was blaming Gavin for Emmett getting upset. I was expressing frustration for the domino effect that occurred as a result of Gavin doing something that he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing.
For the record, until you experience someone sharing their every single thought, nonstop you can't understand the frustration. If you have experienced that and do fine than you are a better person than I.

lostandtired

@Stephanie walk a mile in my shoes. Plus you misunderstood the point of the whole post. I wasn’t blaming Gavin for Emmett getting upset. I was expressing frustration for the domino effect that occurred as a result of Gavin doing something that he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing. For the record, until you experience someone sharing their every single thought, nonstop you can't understand the frustration. If you have experienced that and do fine than you are a better person than I.

Chloe123

Not sure if this will help or not, but here is a social skills visual explaining how our brains have filters. 
  http://jillkuzma.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/brai

lostandtired

@Chloe123 that's awesome. I think that will be tomorrow's topic. Thanks for sharing that. As always, you are a huge help and really appreciate it. 🙂

13
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
%d bloggers like this: