I started this post long before the day took a turn for the worse. At this point, I’m hanging on by a thread. Having said that, I’m surviving.
I’m gonna be really, really honest. I’m not coping with life very well right now. Things just seem to be getting out of control and can’t get the car back on the road, so to speak.
Basically, everyone’s sick and extremely grouchy.
I’m picking Gavin up from school now and all that’s going to do is add more stress to the mix. He’s going to start in on Lizze the moment I leave the room and I’m starting to get pretty darn resentful of that.
I wish that there could be peace and quiet for just one day.
One day without screaming, fighting and chaos. I realize that’s too much to ask but holy crap, that would be nice.
Of course, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. That probably sounds strange, right? Well, the truth is, I’m so used to being in a bad situation that I honestly don’t know what to do when good things happen.
@themomjen thank you for the tweet 🙂
This might be small comfort, but please take some small sense of the good that you are doing for other parents. I realize that does not make your situation better, but there is so much stuff out there that tries to tell parents of autistic children, "Life is so awesome and full of unicorns that poop rainbows because of autism!" It makes parents who are struggling right alongside you feel like THEY are bad parents and bad people, that THEY could have rainbow poop if they were just somehow better at this. You are living the reality of autism, except yours is in triplicate! Sure, I have one child with autism, and there is a good bit of rainbow poop in my life, but there are also dark days when I want to hide under the bed and refuse to come.
I'm sure it's no comfort at all, but there is a whole world out there filled with parents who are scouring the internet for help. YOU are letting them know that they are okay. Thank you for that.
@LorcaDamon I am on the ASD myself, and very high-functioning (like Asperger's level), but I get sick and tired about people talking about how autism is a "gift" and all that. Sure, there are some advantages to being an Aspie, but for me anyway, it is a great burden in my life. If I could snap my fingers and make it go away, along with the hyper-focused attention that comes with it and makes my public service work possible, I'd do it in a second.
Very few people could even imagine what the non-stop day after day insane pressure can be like for some parents like us.
If only there was someone we could call (on a day like your's today) to come in, look after the kids, clean the house, and make the meals while you and your wife rested in the bedroom with the door shut and some calming music playing to drown out some of the sounds. Of course they would be fantastic with autistic kids, and they would completely understand what you are going through. Why is that so impossible to find????
Why can't the world understand the toll that the non-stop stress has on our health too? Why can't God see that we need some time to recharge, so we can continue to fight to give our children the lives they deserve?
I know the feeling. A friend of mine with 2 special needs kids, a hubby on the spectrum and her medical problems (she'll be a miracle if she lives until 50) and I joke often about how a 72 hr hold would be a great vacation. 72 hours to spend by myself in a quiet room where I can finish a thought and a book with no pictures. We often talk about running away from home. It can be so difficult when the kids are always at each others throats and you run from one kiddo to the next putting out fires. Then add illness on top of that, things just get nastier and nastier. Then the whining ensues and it is like nails on a chalkboard for me. As I sit here now one kid is eating churros and coffee ice cream for dinner, one is whining/crying about buying a book for book fair, a third kid is trying to talk over the other one at they are now screaming over each other, there is music on the tv, my husband is sitting next to me on the couch and one kid is looking for shoes and we are walking out the door to go to church a new church. Lord help us all. I also love playing the 20 stupid questions game. I could go on and on. I was going to write something else but they sucked it right out of my head
Hey, hang in there. Some days are so bad that they color everything black. That's just those days. Put your chin up, gut it through the rest of the day (cus what else can you do, really?) — you have the strength to do it. Tomorrow or the next day, things will look brighter. Most importantly, don't make any big decisions on a day like this, don't draw any conclusions. Just get through it — that is triumph enough sometimes.
I called a friend of mine whose daughter (now grown and living in a group home) has RAD as well as other problems. I described your situation and asked if she had advice.
Unfortunately, she had none at all. 🙁 All I can tell you is that I sympathize with the whole L&T family very much.
Praying for you and your family!
Thinking of you guys and praying for your strength and patience and calm…and healing from the sickness hitting…it's that time of year…colds and flu…yuk..hang in there
@DLaubacher thank you. 🙂