Time changes things

Gavin arrived home from a weekend at the grandparents house. He had a really good time and I’m happy for him. However, he brought with him a weight that bares down on everyone in the entire house. 

He hasn’t done anything wrong, per say.  However, he’s invading personal space and just putting everyone on edge.

I can’t tell you exactly how much I hate feeling this way.

Gavin is my son and I wish I could be happy to see him. Sadly, I feel a sense of dread when I know he’s coming home because I know what everyone is going to be going through.

I used to maintain hope that things would be different this time. 

I no longer have the energy to maintain that false hope any longer.  This is simply the way things are and there is little to nothing I can do about it.

If you had asked me a few years ago if I would ever feel this way, I would have said no.

It’s funny how time can change so many things.  🙁

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gina valley

You sound exhausted.  It is hard to have hope when you have no more strength.

lyndavisyak

I get what your saying her, but I also need to agree with Jodi too.  I think about the negative the more I turn in too a downward spiral.  I have had so MUCH negative this last year to last a life time.  I get it, but you have to start looking for the positive.  The more you dwell on the negative the worse it can become.  I know all about living through heartache, medical challenges, autism, adult kids living in the house drama, depression, finicial issues, cancer, my autistic son needing bi-lateral tendon surgery needing to be done, a root canal I need to take care of, pet scans for cancer updates, husband needing to work over time and leaving me to hold down the fort for days, helping my son with his daughters needs, etc….That's just for this month. I'm not going to think about next month cuz I know other things will come up, but I have to imbrace it with knowing we CAN and I will get throught this again!  Look for the good, I know easier said than done, but I'm older and have delt with way much more and YOU can and will get through this.  Look to the bright side of life!  HAHA I know, but look deep inside and find the good in all your family members.  Heck, I have to keep remunding my self every hour! 🙂

Jodi p

I really hope no one takes this wrong.
I see your pain. I can only try to understand your frustration. I deal with difficult kid and adults all the time but I know that I get to go home and I have other staff as support.
I just want to suggest. And I know it's hard.

Jodi p

Try to spend time to look at the positives of the situation. And I know some days it's hard. But try to sit down every day and think of positives of situation. And Gavin.
It will be hard. But falling into a negative cycle can just make things worse. An everything that happens you fit into the feeling you have. If you know what I mean.
I know it's a terrible situation and living in fear is not good and the situaton is terrible for the other boys but until you can get residential treatment. It's all you got and falling further and further into the stress that becomes you is a nightmare as much as stress itself is.
But its all you got and the stress that takes over you is not good for family.
I am sure it will be hard but you don't want

lostandtired

@Jodi p I understand what you're saying and I agree that it's much easier said than done. I try to explain positive as much as possible. 🙂

Mary Franzen Costell

Anyone who has experienced tension within a household can understand how awful you must feel as that black curtain descends on your family. I can almost feel chests tighten and jaws clench. Im glad you had a breath of fresh air, sorry for everyone when it ends.

lostandtired

@Mary Franzen Costello thanks. That's exactly what it feels like.

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