I need a miracle (An Honesty Post)

It’s 3am and I’m not sleeping, obviously. I’m way to stressed out to sleep. I just need to vent for a little bit.

Things around the Lost and Tried household are becoming more and more difficult.

Yes, Gavin is out of the house.  However, that isn’t some type of magic fix.  That was one fire and we have countless others left to put out. 

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Lizze is steadily going down hill and that means that I have to carry more and more responsibility. 

How much is one person capable of carrying before they are crushed under the weight?

As much as I try to find balance between working and taking care of Lizze and the boys, I just can’t seem to find it.  We desperately need me working but at the same time, Emmett and Elliott need my attention,  Lizze needs rest and everyone has appointments they need taken to. 

This doesn’t even begin to factor in battles I’m having to fight, on multiple fronts.

I have to keep Emmett in therapy, so I have to battle with the insurance company to get his denial overturned. 

Don’t get me started on Gavin.  Everything surrounding him is complicated and time consuming. We’re in the middle of trying to get him placed in residential care.  Anyone that has ever had to do that knows it’s not an easy process, physically, emotionally or financially.

There are so many people in my life that either need or want things from me and I’m running on empty, with nothing to spare.

We are sinking deeper and deeper into financial hole.  Emmett appears to be losing much of the progress he’s made over the past year or so.  Elliott’s an emotional train wreck and Lizze is basically disabled from all the constant pain.

I can barely find time to write anymore.

I’m so grateful that my writing is able to support my family, at least as much as it does. Dedicating the time needed to meet my deadlines is not easy. 

It’s so hard to get anything done because I’m bouncing to crisis to crisis.  Most of the time,  I don’t even finish with one before another one comes along and pulls me away again.

Sometimes I really think I need a miracle to keep my family from falling apart.

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dudgeoh

I know the feeling, Rob. I'm in my second spate of unemployment and We're down to our last couple of hundred dollars, as I'm loath to receive Unemployment Insurance as I just don't get the chance to do a proper job search and, in all honesty, whilst DS1 is still having meltdowns, it scares me to think of the possibility that he melts down and I'm not around. He's a handful for me, let alone my wife. I would love to find a decent wage through 3rd shift, work-from-home employment, but no idea where to start finding such a thing…

dotdash

You describe perfectly the craziness of child-rearing + bread-winning.  It's a terrible strain, no question, even without the additional burden of special needs.  It's just a tough tough job, no question, but all that work has to be done by someone.  I am constantly in awe of single parents can manage at all, at any level, and you are sort of in that boat.  My heart goes out to you.  
 
Teddy Roosevelt once said of his rebellious daughter, "I can manage Alice or I can be president of the United States; I cannot possible do both"  In your position, you are doing both — it's draining, but it's something to be proud of.
 
And a word of hope:  it gets easier.  You have small children, which is the most difficult time.  Every year from now on it will become easier.

PurpleLogicGlitch

When you find that miracle please send some our way too! Good Luck and as always we support you!

lostandtired

@PurpleLogicGlitch I most definitely will my friend. 🙂

Christin

I honestly don't know how you do it! You write an incredible amount. Well done. Keep your spirits up. Christin, Triberr

lostandtired

@Christin thank you so much 🙂

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