I wanted to tell you: the other night, I had a problem with my computer, and things like that tend to send me into a meltdown: rocking back and forth, hitting things and myself, throwing myself against walls, throwing things against walls, hyperventilating, and what have you. I was trying to keep myself under control until Michael, my boyfriend, could help me fix the computer. He had a friend over named George and he was helping George with something. So I waited, and tried to keep myself under control. And I managed, mostly: all I did was rock back and forth on the couch and whimper a bit. But my visible distress was enough to make Michael stop what he was doing with George before they were finished, and then go over to assist me. Then Michael’s roommate said I was being really disrespectful of George, acting like that, making Michael deal with me first when George could only stay over so long and really needed Michael’s help. I hadn’t asked Michael to help me, or expected him to. I was trying to wait my turn and I got really angry over what his roommate said. I pointed out all the things I hadn’t done, the troublesome behaviors I had kept from coming out, and Michael was like, “Well, you did good, but not good enough. Maybe next time will be better.”
I told a friend about it and compared it to you and your blog. How you always write about Gavin or Elliot or Emmett making “good choices” because they didn’t give you a hard time about breakfast or getting dressed or whatever, and try to note their little victories on a regular basis. What I’m trying to say is, it would mean so much to me if I had someone in my life who was like that. Who would say, “Meaghan, you did really well. Even though you were really anxious about your computer, you didn’t lose it and you waited your turn to get helped.” I’m doing a lot better socially because Michael is always pushing me to do better and telling me what mistakes I made and how to fix them, but I don’t get any praise for the things I do right. The fact that you recognize what your special needs kids do right, and make a special note of it, is a really great thing about you as a human being and a parent.