Do you yell too much?
I don’t know how easy this question is to answer, for a number of reasons. Having said that, and in the spirit of honesty, I’ll admit that this is something I personally struggle with.
Now, it’s not like I’m screaming at my kids with Autism because I’m angry or frustrated. I mean, maybe sometimes but only on rare occasions when I’m completely overloaded.
That certainly doesn’t make it right but I’m only human and I’m not ashamed to admit that.
What I find most often is that I’m having to raise my voice over the noise and chaos, simply to get someone’s attention. Sometimes is simply a volume thing and not an anger or frustration thing.
Having said that, does my intention matter to my kids?
That’s a question that only they could answer but I suspect, that loud noise is loud noise. I would guess that regardless of why I raise my voice, it’s disrupting to the stability of the entire household.
Today for example, Elliott and Emmett have thrown away the recent truce and have been at each others throats all day long.
I’m sick and literally have lost my voice. In order to be heard, I have to talk quite loud.
Emmett’s the kind of kid that pushes buttons and then pretends that he’s the most innocent child on the planet. Meanwhile, Elliott’s freaking out over what Emmett did.
It’s seemingly endless.
Once Elliott’s worked up, it’s really tough to calm him down.
Today was pretty bad and in order to stop the two of them from going back and forth, I had to raise my voice. I had to speak louder than them because they simply couldn’t hear me. Sure, I was frustrated but not angry. I just wanted them to leave each other alone, so I could defuse the situation.
The moment I raised my voice, Emmett backs down but Elliott’s just starts crying.
It’s heartbreaking because I hate to see my kids cry. I wasn’t angry or upset, I just needed them to stop fighting.
I try to explain to both boys that sometimes Daddy has to raise his voice so that they can hear me.
The boys are then asked if this is my angry face?
Sometimes it helps and other times it doesn’t.
What I find so interesting is that they can tolerate the noise, screaming and chaos, so long as they are the ones making it.
If anyone else is making the noise, it’s quite upsetting to them.
It seems like it would be a mix of control and/or sensory issues behind this but I don’t know……
Sometimes I totally feel like there is far to much yelling in our house, even if it’s yelling at the dogs for doing something wrong.
As special needs parents, we do the very best we can do in an oftentimes extremely overwhelming situation.
I thought that perhaps we could kick around some ideas that could help bring so peace and quite to our respective homes.
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Unfortunately I probably do yell too much. Although it’s not always because of Twin #1’s autism (but that’s part of it, I know).
Although we do well with basic ground rules for behavior, twin #2 knows he can’t get away with as much as his autistic brother so he often acts out. Thus, I yell. As for the autism, as frustrating as it can be for me sometimes I do need to constantly remind myself that it has be 10-fold for the boy. It’s just tough sometimes with raising twins with one autistic child and one regular developing child.
All I can offer in the way of comments or advice is that I understand to an extent, what it’s like to be able to ‘deal with’ noise that you create yourself, but not with others. I can handle certain noises if I’m controlling them. Like, if my music is playing, or it’s my show on the television- even if I’m not paying attention it doesn’t overload me. But if it’s someone else’s, it likely will cause me to overload. I’m not sure why though.