This CPS investigation is really taking its toll

After way too much though and a bout of stress induced indigestion, we have decided what we are going to do with all the appointments we have today. 

I don’t know how to express just how stressed out I’ve been over this today because each appointment is important but in the end we simply couldn’t pull them all off. 

We’ve decided to reschedule his appointments with the Cleveland Clinic for a few reasons. 

For starters, we’re having car trouble and Lizze is still not feeling well.  The other thing is that we would end up with about 3.5 hours to kill, in between appointments at the Clinic. 

That’s a lot to ask of Gavin for what amounts to an appointment that isn’t exactly mission critical right now. 

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At the moment, we are significantly low on resources and so we have to triage these things.  It happens and we have to just move on. 

Part of what has me so worried about this is the fact that we’re currently under investigation by Child Protective Services for a claim that we aren’t taking the boys to their doctors appointments and here we are canceling and rescheduling this one. 

I know the claim is a spite call but it doesn’t make me feel anymore comfortable with having to make this decision.

This is yet another one the many situations we face where we have to choose from a list of terrible options.  We have to pick the one that will least negatively impact our family.  It sucks but it’s the reality we live in.

Because of our new found fear/paranoia, I will call the CPS investigator in the morning and explain what’s going on. 

Do I need to really do this? Truthfully, I don’t know. I just figure it’s better coming from me than someone else and when it comes to our kids, we don’t take any chances. 

So at this point, depending on how Lizze is feeling in the morning, I may or may not being going to our wraparound meeting on my own.

I’m not happy that we had to make this call. Having said that, I stand by our decision and take full responsibility for having made it. 

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Fuzzy Cabbage

The mission
of CPS is to protect the health and well-being of children while aiming for the
goal of family reunification. Ideally, this is how the system is supposed to
work. In reality, however, the system is far from ideal. Sometimes I am
completely mind-boggled when I read or hear stories from parents and/or
children who have dealt with CPS. It seems rather backwards to me.
On one hand,
children slip through the cracks all the time. The children who need the most
help are left in their homes with abusive parents. CPS does not intervene; the
abuse is allowed to continue. And when CPS does actually intervene, one child
might be taken away while the others are allowed to remain in the home. I can’t
count how many stories I have read or heard or how many times I have seen
people have a child or two taken away while the others were forced to endure
the abuse. It makes absolutely no sense to me. If CPS deems that one child is
not safe in the home, then shouldn’t that mean no children are safe in the
home?
On the other
hand, there are many cases of CPS intervention when none was needed. Loving,
caring, and nurturing parents with happy, healthy children are forced to endure
a long, drawn out battle with CPS just to maintain custody of their children. Children
are oftentimes temporarily taken out of the home for the duration of the
investigation. Parents then have to schedule visits with their children while
also meeting with social workers and other professionals, consulting with their
lawyer, and going about their daily lives. During that time, social workers are
looking for absolutely anything they can use against the parents in order to
build their case. I’ve heard of people losing their jobs because they were determined
to comply with CPS by attending meetings with social workers and lawyers and
visitations and court dates, etc., which then interfered with their ability to
adhere to their work schedules, only for CPS to turn around and use that
against them. It’s crazy.
RE: Anonymous,
spiteful calls
The nature
of the internet is that you can share your life with others like an open book,
and yet they still will never have a completely accurate portrayal of your
life. You can, for example, share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with
raising a child on the autism spectrum, but most people will never fully
understand what it is like unless they themselves have walked in your shoes,
and even then it will only be a partial understanding because no two lives are
alike.
For that
reason, it is incredibly easy for people to get the wrong idea, which makes
them quick to jump to judgment. And, let’s face it, people can be quite
judgmental, especially when they don’t have all the facts. They fill in the gaps
with what they want to fill them with, regardless of their validity. And people
suffer.
Although I
never myself have dealt with a spiteful caller, I’ve seen it happen many times.
These spiteful callers may think they are enacting some sort of revenge or
malice on the parents when in reality what they are doing is hurting the children
involved. The children are the ones who suffer the most. This is especially
true for children on the spectrum who have a strict reliance on routine.
Whether or not they appear to be aware, they see the emotional toll it is
taking on the parents. Quality time spent with the children is compromised because
parents are forced to fight for their children in order to maintain custody.
Children are exposed to strange, new people and places they are not comfortable
with, which produces a lot of anxiety. And when the kids are taken out of the
home, even if it is temporarily, this completely disrupts the children’s lives.
If they are put in foster care, they become completely unadjusted. The only
people they’ve probably ever felt comfortable with in their lives are gone.
Their foster parents are not equipped to handle a special needs child. Because they
don’t know the child, they don’t know the child’s triggers and thus cannot properly
accommodate him or her.
It’s awful.
I’ve seen it enough times to know the system is in dire need of being reworked.
These callers need to be held accountable when their accusations are proved to
be false. Before social services intrudes on the lives of innocent people, they
need to at least do an in-depth interview with the accuser and see if the
accuser has any way to substantiate what he or she is saying. And instead of
jumping the gun and trying to get the ball rolling with removing the
child/children from the home, CPS needs to do a thorough investigation first. I’ve
seen cases when CPS got the ball rolling before any formal investigation took
place, and I’ve seen some cases where one never actually took place.
Just hang in
there. Do whatever you can do to protect your family. And get a lawyer! CPS is
used to dealing with families who do not fight back, who do not fight for their
children, who do not directly challenge them. And if you know who the caller
is, then do whatever you can do to discredit them. Make it known that this
caller has no grounds for his or her accusations, and if malicious motive is
involved, do your best to expose it. Things will get better, but it will take
time. And even when it is over, it will longer for a while. So try not to let
the situation overwhelm you.

lostandtired

@Fuzzy Cabbage thank you so much for sharing that. 🙂

kcdnnd

I was also reported for not taking my son to an eye appointment for a screening. not even for an actual problem, but a screening. That was the second time I had been reported. I have been reported a total of three times so far, 2 times basically for spite, once due to an incident involving my soon to be ex-husband. It is not in any way fun. I completely synpathize with you. Its a horrible situation.

lostandtired

kcdnnd thank you and I hope everything works out.  🙂

kcdnnd

Oh we got through it okay, that was a couple years ago, all worked out fine, hope all goes well for you. It helps knowing i’m not the only one that has gone through all that.

JennaBurns

I find it interesting that people would call CPS for not making a Drs appointment, am I missing another illness going on aside from the issues that come with Autism??Here in Michigan, appointments take months to get into and are few and far between.   I think that given the hand you have been given, a few appointmwents would be missed.  That isn’t neglect, that is being a human being.

lostandtired

JennaBurns yes, with my oldest, we are dealing with very serious health issues that have us almost living at the Cleveland Clinic or Akron Children’s Hospital at times. It’s not uncommon for us to have over a dozen appointments per week.  
That’s why this spite call is so frustrating.  It’s completely needless and was done for the sole purpose of causing drama.

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