Today is one of those days that I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. Lizze and I had an appointment with Dr. Pattie this morning, to sorta help keep her and I on the same page.
Lizze is not even close to being in a good place, both physically and emotionally.
The main reason for this appointment was to help Lizze and I deal with the strain we are both feeling, as well as help me to figure out what I need to do to try and keep things moving. It was also meant to help some better understand just how bad off she is right now and Dr. Pattie was able to help with that.
Lizze is literally in survival mode and between her emotional health and physical health challenges, she simply can’t function to any significant capacity. She’s doing everything she possibly can but her body just shuts down and it’s completely outside of her control.
We also discussed what can be done to make life more manageable.
Turns out that there really isn’t anything that can be done, other than me continue to take everything on myself and ensure that she gets where she needs to go and receives as much rest as possible.
She’s getting all the help she possibly can and there is new help on the horizon that could prove very beneficial, but we’re not there yet.
Right now, things are honestly as bad or worse as they’ve ever been. Gavin is once again in rare form and we are having major problems with his behavior. The other boys are beginning to fear Gavin again as a result of the almost daily tantrums.
I’m feeling so completely overwhelmed because I can’t make anything better for Lizze without taking away from the kids and I can’t keep up with the kids unless I take away from Lizze.
At the same time, I can’t exaxtly do nothing either.
I’m so tired anymore that I sleep while the boys are at school, or at least try to anyway.
As far as being spread thin goes, there’s nothing left of me to spread around. I’m trying so hard to meet all my obligations but I’m failing miserably. Our grocery budget isn’t even close to being enough anymore. We missed our mortgage this month and while I did manage to put off the van being repoed for two weeks, that’s only temporary.
I can’t begin to explain the pressure I feel.
Right now, I’m divided between balancing Lizze’s and Gavin’s fragile health, taking care of the other boys, financially supporting my family, watching Gavin very closely and supervising any and all contact he has with his brothers.
That’s just the basics.
I’m so exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed out that I just can’t seem to keep myself going sometimes.
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