I wanted to share with you how my personal battle with depression has been going. Those of you that know me, know that I’ve been openly talking about my depression because I want to help to combat the stigma associated with being depressed.
My battle with depression began about 20 years ago. To be completely honest, I don’t think I can point out one thing in particular that triggered this very real, internal battle.
Fast forward to the present and as I’m writing this post from my phone, the battle still rages on.
I’m on medication to help me manage this depression, this chemical imbalance in my brain. I’ve been on Paxil for many years now and have found that it does indeed help me.
Now that everyone is up to speed on the back story, we can move onto more recent times.
The absolute truth is that I’m really not doing so hot lately.
I’m under a great deal of stress and never ending pressure. There are times that are worse than others and lately, I’m having a few more bad days than good ones.
I need to get into my Doctor and probably reevaluate my meds and contemplate a supplementation. Sometimes, people need a combination of different meds to help them with their depression. The problem is that any changes made to my meds are going to impact me for about a week or so.
Typically, there is a pretty significant sedative effect for me, anytime I have adjusted or changed antidepressant medications.
At this point, especially with Lizze’s health being what it is, I can’t be down for any amount of time. For right now, things go are going to have to stay the way they are.
If anything changes and I can ensure that we will have help if I’m unable to drive while I’m adjusting to the meds, I’ll go meet with my doctor.
As depressed as I am, I’m hanging in there.
One of the things I’m trying to do is employ some more natural things to help me manage my depression. Things like writing, talking to someone, listening to music, taking a nap, exercising and even sometimes stress eating, have helped me keep it together.
I’m a really laid back kinda person and so I’m not losing my temper or anything like that. Depression can make people irritable so that fact that I’m keeping myself in check, is something I’m proud of.
Depression causes me to become more easily overwhelmed and can sorta cloud my thoughts. Writing becomes particularly difficult because those clouds make it more difficult for me to find the right words to accurately articulate what I’m feeling.
I also struggle with motivating myself to attempt some of the larger tasks that I need to. Things like the massive pile of laundry in the basement, vacuuming the second floor and even working with Gavin on some of his more challenging behavioral issues.
It’s not laziness or an unwillingness to do the work. It’s more like, the job seems so big that I don’t know where to really start, sprinkled with a bit of too many things that needs done and I don’t know how to prioritize them.
That’s about all I can think of at the moment. I have a chance to sleep and I’m going to take advantage of it. The more rest I get, the better I can compensate for the impact depression has on my life.
In closing, I want people to understand that depression is very real and it’s not something to be ashamed of.
If you think that you may be depressed, please don’t be afraid to speak with your doctor. Talking to someone you trust can be helpful as well. It’s important that we not be afraid to speak openly and honestly about things like depression. There is a great deal of stigma associated with this mental illness/medical condition.
People are so quick to judge things that they don’t understand and depression is one of those things. I’m not ashamed of being depressed and don’t hide from it. My hope is that someday, the world will recognize depression for what it is and not stigmatize the people affected by it.
I also wanted to share some important information regarding depression. Here’s a link to a previous post I did last year, with tons of information from the Mayo Clinic about what depression is, how to recognize the symptoms, how to get help, treatment options, prognosis and what can cause depression in the first place.
That information can be found —– > here. < ----- This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉
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i still dont know if i am depressed. i dont see a difference when i am on or off. I always figured that i wasnt depressed i just had a lot of terrible things going on that were real and had to be dealt with. then i figured with all the terrible things i had going on and dealing with hell i would be depressed. i am now on cymbalta. i still dont know if i feel better or not. upped the dose and still couldnt tell. lost my job which means i lost my insurance. $356 a month for the cymbalta. cant go off cold turkey because of wicked withdrawal (that I didnt know would happen). my doctor yesterday gave me another months worth of samples. would have gave me more but he was out. i told him to call the drug rep or I would. applied for the pharmaseutical program and havenot heard back. thank God i didnt put my kid on it because then i would be in real trouble. as soon as my financial (just started a new job) and insurance situation gets better shortly i am moving off the cymbalta to something way cheaper. i personally dont experience the stigma of depression but then again i am writing that i am not depressed go figure.
Having depression while trying to manage so many family crisis is just overwhelming. I too suffer from it (am on meds) & have a lot on my plate. Hang in there!
No problem. You’re welcome
Hang in there, Rob. It’s a never-ending battle; all we can do is take it one day at a time. Music definitely helps when my depression flares. I’ve created a Pandora station I named Melodic Echoes. Here’s the link in case you want some calming music to hopefully take the edge off. http://www.pandora.com/station/13185403624531839 Enjoy. 🙂
Thank you for being honest!
BeckyRogersWiren Meaghan1985 Thank you Becky.
One of the best things someone ever told me was when I was not getting treated, and they realized I was depressed and needed help. (I was convinced I was just weak and refused to see a doctor.) The person said something like, “You are suffering unnecessarily. You might think this is just a part of you, and that you will always be like this. That’s not true. You DON’T HAVE to feel like this, you can get help and stop feeling this way.” No one had ever put it to me quite that way before. I changed my mind and went to a doctor as soon as I could, and got medication that improved things dramatically — for awhile. I credit that person with saving my life at the time, as I was feeling so bad during that period that I was considering suicide.
Meaghan1985 I’m sorry this has happened to you. I do have an anxiety disorder that accompanies fibromyalgia, plus all my family has mood disorders. I have bipolar friends. Those people telling you to “man up” aren’t good or fair to you. They don’t have a clue. I wish I could take your pain and Rob’s and everyone who suffers. We have to lift each other up. 🙂
I’ve suffered from severe depression most of my life — with bipolar mood swings thrown in every once in awhile. It’s awful. Those people that say “man up” or “stop moping” I want them to spend just one day in my shoes and see how they do. I’m taking four different medications now and I’ve needed to have them adjusted a lot — twice so far this year. So I’ve been there, Rob. I only wish I could take some of your pain.
Rob, mood disorders are still hard for people to accept, for themselves or others. Bless you for battling this thing and I hope you get the help you need as soon as possible.