We will be traveling out of town once again today. Gavin has a follow up appointment with his pediatrician at 8am. This follow up is regarding his significant weight-loss. We are going to learn what tests the doctor wants to do.
The boys don’t have school today and so they will have to come along for the ride.
It’s about a 30 minute drive and our appointment is slated for 30 minutes as well. Lizze and the boys will probably wait in the waiting room or maybe in the car, depending on the weather.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m frickin exhausted from yesterday’s trip to the Cleveland Clinic and I’m not looking forward to making this trip. That being said, this is a necessary evil because we have to stay on top of Gavin’s health.
I just need to drag my ass through the morning and maybe if I’m lucky, I can sneak a nap in the afternoon…..
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My class was a program for people
with everything from alcoholism and heroin addictions to people who are
severely depressed and possibly attempted suicide. One of the recovering
alcoholics in our group was told by his AA sponsor ‘not to go upstairs without
an adult’, which means that you can’t get stuck in your head (“going
upstairs”) and dwell on your past BY YOURSELF because it can trigger a
relapse. Instead, that’s the time where you need to call your sponsor or talk
to someone you can count on to listen to you (“an adult”) who can
help change your mindset. I hope to write a blog post about my whole experience
in the near future, because as lengthy as this comment is, it’s just the tip of
the iceberg of what I learned. Stay strong, stay out of your head, and don’t
think about the past or the future. Dwell in the now. That will help keep your
“pain” from turning into “suffering”. 🙂
Post #7: And that’s clarified by several other pieces of
advice: ‘Don’t go upstairs without an adult.’ and ‘Stay out of your head.’ and
‘Don’t create a story.’ All of those pieces of advice mean that we can keep
from “suffering” by not dwelling on the past and wishing we could
change things. So “stay out of your head” and “don’t create a
story”–aka ‘if you want to feel better, you can’t keep living in the
past.’ ‘Stay in the present.’, because when we think about the past we’re
suffering, and if we think about the future we’re causing ourselves more
anxiety by ‘writing a story’ about how things are going to go before they even
Post #6: Please please please get over your fears and
ideas of what group therapy is like. Group therapy helped me climb out of the
black hole that I had fallen into. The people you meet there may also be able
to recommend some good programs or facilities for DBT that are closer to home.
Because the stress of a full day of driving may be too much at this point. One
of Bournewood’s most repeated pieces of advice is: ‘There is pain and then
there is suffering. They’re not the same. We ALL
experience pain. Pain is when bad things happen to us. Suffering is wishing you
could change things.’
Post #5: As they would say in Bournewood, “You are
not special.” And what they mean by that is, ‘you’re not the first person
to experience your problems and you won’t be the last.’ I smugly thought to
myself ‘Yeah, okay. Show me another person who has a child with a dual diagnosis
of Down syndrome and autism.’ Lo and behold, during my last few days of the
program there was a woman in my class who had an adult son with Down syndrome
and autism . . . that had died the year before. So yeah, I’m not special and
that’s actually extremely comforting.
Post #4: Go with your gut. If Klonopin is making you feel
worse, stick to your guns and ask for something else (preferrably something
that isn’t a Benzo). I went into the Partial Program because of stress and
anxiety, but felt SO MUCH BETTER once they took me OFF of the anxiety med and
replaced it with an antidepressant. So I’m on zero anti-anxiety meds and 3
antidepressants. Haven’t felt this good in years. I’m far from an expert on
BPD, but my aunt has it (she was sexually abused as a child by her father and
mother) and I know she’s on Seroquil (and about 5 other meds). Perhaps,
depending on the cause of your BPD, you could attend a local al-anon meeting or
meeting for survivors of abuse. TRUST ME, group therapy is AMAZING.
Post #3: They weaned me off, got me on a new
antidepressant (I’ve been on Wellbutrin XL for years and Lexapro for the past
year. The Partial Program replaced the Klonopin with Seroquil and taught me TONS of
coping strategies–my son has Down syndrome, autism, and ADHD, amongst other
things). When I left the program I felt like I finally recognized myself a
little bit again. I was self-medicating so none of my prescription meds could
work properly and I had gained 75 lbs in a year. The PP, Bournewood-Caulfield,
was the first time anyone told me how dangerous Klonopin is. Not just because
of its addictive qualities, but because it can make you MORE depressed.
Post #2: I was just in a Partial Psychiatric Program (it
was basically a 5 hour class 5 days a week and I ended up staying for 5 weeks)
and they actually told me that if they had realized I was on Klonopin when I
was being admitted, they wouldn’t have accepted me into the program. Because
Klonopin is a Benzodiazepine that is HIGHLY addictive and can make you feel
WORSE, just like what you’re experiencing.
Post #1: I just read Lizze’s post and tried to post a comment, but my Norton Anti-Virus blocks waaaaay too many things and makes it difficult to comment. So I’m going to send YOU a verrrrry long series of comments. Hopefully, the both of you find them helpful. You can post my comments if you’d like, or you can keep them to yourselves. Doesn’t matter to me. As long as you both have the chance to read them. 🙂