I’m feeling completely overwhelmed today. I don’t think it would be possible for me to be anymore worried than I am right now.
Lizze has an appointment with her new psychiatrist. This guy is really good and is taking her seriously and not throwing diagnoses around all willy nilly. He’s helping her with her severe depression (which he called something else and I can’t think of the word) and that’s huge.
However, we’ve run into a problem and that problem is insurance.
Insurance is refusing to cover the specific antidepressant he wants her on and her two week sample supply is now depleted. As a result, she was on meds for two weeks and is now off of them because there’s no coverage and neither us or her doctor can get anywhere with insurance.
I’m sitting in the van while she’s in her appointment and they figure out a new medication for her.
She hasn’t slept more than a few hours in days and isn’t doing well.
The weather is horrible here in Ohio and the barometric pressure changes are causing her a great deal of pain and her menopause symptoms are also really bad right now.
Her Lyrica isn’t getting refilled and so she’s been out of it for a week now because apparently that’s something that should be handled by pain management and her PCP isn’t comfortable managing that. I totally understand the PCP’s position but right now I don’t know where to go. Pain management isn’t taking our insurance and her last experience with the one in town that did, wasn’t very good.
I’m thinking that the best place to get her fibro related pain managed is with the only doctor certified to treat fibromyalgia and that’s a rheumatologist.
Her rheumatologist was at the Cleveland Clinic but left for another practice and we never found a replacement.
Dammit.. We had things going in the right direction. Lizze was seeing all the right doctors and it was like I took my eye off the ball for a moment and everything’s falling apart.
Gavin’s started acting up again and it’s like he’s not really even tying to hide it from me anymore. I don’t know what to do with him right now because there’s no way to know where he’s truly coming from but it’s almost a certainty that it’s not good.
Elliott is struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide. He’s only 8 years old and this absolutely breaks my heart.
Even Emmett is becoming very aggressive again and having explosive outbursts throughout the day while he’s at home.
I’m only one person and I’m not holding everyone together very well. I’m not enough.
The house is a mess, I’m behind on laundry, dishes and bills. I swear to God that the laundry is breeding like rabbits and the mailman is only allowed to deliver bad news.
I’ve fallen behind on the mortgage again and I feel myself burning out.
I know this will come across as whiney and that’s fine because I simply don’t have the energy to care anymore. Right now I’m just venting and purging myself of negative energy. My hope is that I’ll be able to move forward after putting this out there.
Perhaps this will even help someone and that would be a bonus.
I’m just absolutely consumed with worry and stress. I don’t see a light at the end of this tunnel just yet. There has to be a light and if I just keep pushing forward I’ll find it. I just pray the light I find isn’t attached to a speeding freight train.
This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉
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