Confessions of an #Autism Dad: I don’t think I could be anymore worried than I am right now

I’m feeling completely overwhelmed today. I don’t think it would be possible for me to be anymore worried than I am right now. 

Lizze has an appointment with her new psychiatrist.  This guy is really good and is taking her seriously and not throwing diagnoses around all willy nilly.  He’s helping her with her severe depression (which he called something else and I can’t think of the word) and that’s huge. 

However, we’ve run into a problem and that problem is insurance. 

Insurance is refusing to cover the specific antidepressant he wants her on and her two week sample supply is now depleted. As a result, she was on meds for two weeks and is now off of them because there’s no coverage and neither us or her doctor can get anywhere with insurance. 



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I’m sitting in the van while she’s in her appointment and they figure out a new medication for her. 

She hasn’t slept more than a few hours in days and isn’t doing well.

The weather is horrible here in Ohio and the barometric pressure changes are causing her a great deal of pain and her menopause symptoms are also really bad right now. 

Her Lyrica isn’t getting refilled and so she’s been out of it for a week now because apparently that’s something that should be handled by pain management and her PCP isn’t comfortable managing that. I totally understand the PCP’s position but right now I don’t know where to go.  Pain management isn’t taking our insurance and her last experience with the one in town that did, wasn’t very good. 

I’m thinking that the best place to get her fibro related pain managed is with the only doctor certified to treat fibromyalgia and that’s a rheumatologist. 

Her rheumatologist was at the Cleveland Clinic but left for another practice and we never found a replacement.

Dammit.. We had things going in the right direction.  Lizze was seeing all the right doctors and it was like I took my eye off the ball for a moment and everything’s falling apart.

Gavin’s started acting up again and it’s like he’s not really even tying to hide it from me anymore. I don’t know what to do with him right now because there’s no way to know where he’s truly coming from but it’s almost a certainty that it’s not good. 

Elliott is struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide.  He’s only 8 years old and this absolutely breaks my heart. 

Even Emmett is becoming very aggressive again and having explosive outbursts throughout the day while he’s at home. 

I’m only one person and I’m not holding everyone together very well. I’m not enough.

The house is a mess, I’m behind on laundry, dishes and bills.  I swear to God that the laundry is breeding like rabbits and the mailman is only allowed to deliver bad news.

I’ve fallen behind on the mortgage again and I feel myself burning out. 
I know this will come across as whiney and that’s fine because I simply don’t have the energy to care anymore.  Right now I’m just venting and purging myself of negative energy.  My hope is that I’ll be able to move forward after putting this out there.

Perhaps this will even help someone and that would be a bonus.

I’m just absolutely consumed with worry and stress.  I don’t see a light at the end of this tunnel just yet.  There has to be a light and if I just keep pushing forward I’ll find it.  I just pray the light I find isn’t attached to a speeding freight train.

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉

Update: If you like this post, check out these as well. Click —–> Here <—– for my Top Posts.


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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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Raynette Jones
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Raynette Jones

damn that is a lot on you (more than usual). get the phyciatriest to write the meds she needs and see if he has any more samples and then call when yall get home or tomorrow and see if he knows another dr that has anymore samples. then since it is not covered by insurance fill out a form and send it in to the drug maker (i actually did this and it worked). according to who they are they send the meds to you or the doctor. this is where I went. https://www.pparx.org/ it is like a consortium of… Read more »

Lost and Tired
Guest

Thanks. I just wanted to say thanks. 🙂

dotdash
Member
dotdash

I’m really sorry you have to carry all that — it’s too much for one person, truly it is. Remember that Simon & Garfunkel song with the line “and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries”. You are in pain because you love people who are in trouble. I’m so sorry.

Lost and Tired
Guest

I appreciate it dot. Ironically, I was listening to sound of silence this afternoon….

Brittney
Guest

Rob, I have been following your family’s story since Lizze was on bed rest with Emmett. (I voted to name him Lorelai if he was a girl), but I’ve never commented on YOUR blog before.

Would Elliot be hurt if you sent him to stay with your parents for a bit? I just wonder if that might not be the best thing for HIM while you tend to Gavin’s meltdowns and Emmett’s aggressiveness? I understand he might feel abandoned, but wasn’t sure if he would see it as a vacation?

Lost and Tired
Guest

This really wouldn’t be an option because Elliott won’t leave me for very long. It’s a good idea but I don’t think Elliott would do well……

Thanks for the idea. It might work in the sort term.

Val Cross
Guest
Val Cross

Psychiatrists get tons of samples, there is no reason her psychiatrist can’t give her samples until this is straightened out. Sounds like Raynette has some good advice. It sounds like it would be helpful if Gavin was the one who went to stay with family for a little bit. Would ease the stress on Elliott and Emmett. I think Elliott in particular is a sponge- soaking up the emotional energy in his environment. Hang in there, Rob, you have a lot of people pulling for you.

Lost and Tired
Guest

That’s interesting and you’re right. However, the doctor actually called the pharmacy and neither of them have ever had our insurance turn down this medication.

The best option was to switch to something else so she can move forward.