Open Mouth. Insert Foot.

I just want to say that I am really putting it out there with this blog post.

Today the proverbial “sh@t” hit the fan. Gavin was really struggling today. We were repeating ourselves over and over. He kept doing things to get himself in trouble.
We would correct him and it seemed like 5 mins later he was doing it again. Everything came to a head tonight about 6pm. Gavin was sent upstairs to spent some time reading prior to going to sleep. He went up and then wanted to read the same book over and over. We asked him to pick a different book today because we are trying to keep him moving forward with his reading.
That was all it took. He lost it. He was screaming as loud as he could he was hurting himself and yelling things to Lizze that were disrespectful. The two younger kids were frightened and Lizze was in so much pain from everything. We tried to defuse him but it was a no go. This meltdown was because he didn’t get his way so we couldn’t back down. He even got up and started running into his wall. He will hit himself as a means of getting attention. Lizze and I sometimes disagree on how to handle it. Anymore I say let him go because he is only hurting himself and if we engage him then I feel like we are rewarding the behavior. Obviously if he was seriously hurting himself we have to intervene.

This went on for well over an hour and you can hear him 4 or 5 houses down the block. Someone is going to call the police one of these days.

I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had his two brothers scared our dog was going nuts (because she needs to protect us and him) and Lizze crying because she was in so much pain from working with him.

I went into his room I looked him in the eye and I told him that “he does not have the right to disrupt everyone’s lives like this. He does not have the right to scream at his mother the way he did when she was just trying to help. He did not have the right to terrify his younger brothers. He did not have the right to damage my house and hurt himself.” He look at me and screamed in my face. I responded with “if you are going to continue to be unsafe and destructive then you will have to find another place to live because everyone in this house deserves to feel safe including you”.

I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I forgot who I was talking to I guess. I was trying to make a point and I failed miserably. I momentarily forgot how literal minded he his. I guess I hit my breaking point. Emmett John hasn’t slept in the last few days so we have gotten no sleep. Gavin has been very difficult the past few days. It’s no excuse but I just snapped.

I apologized to Gavin and explained what I meant to say and that I wasn’t making him find a new home. I felt like such and assh*#e. What kind of person says something like that to their special needs child?

He settled down and I gave him a hug and told him I loved him. I told him even daddy’s sometimes say things they shouldn’t. It was the only thing I could think to say.

I can’t really believe I writing this post but I said the point of this blog was to be truthful. I want people to experience our lives though this blog. Well tonight wasn’t one of my better nights. But this is the truth so if any of you out there ever said something you regret out of frustration and you thought you were alone you aren’t. God I hope tomorrow is a better day.

LT

4 comments

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  1. It is impossible to be a parent and NOT make mistakes. Same rules apply to parents of special needs kids. I agree you shouldn't beat yourself up over this. After a horrible day of Matthew attacking me repeateldy, I told him "If you can't be safe, then you can't live here." It was an awful day. At the time, I ignored the fact that I was dealing with a child who truley beleived he could NOT be safe. All it did was increase his anxiety and manic behavior. I felt bad but learned a lesson fron it. John did too.

    When Matthew is in a full panick rage, we tried leaving the area to let him carry out his behavior. Bad idea in his case. I was told by his therapist that Matt actually is more panicked by the fact that he is so out of control that he is scared of himself. I found out that restraining him or doing whatever possible to defuse the behavior (not bribing, of course) actually worked better than letting him have at it through the house like a tornado. In matt's case, it comes to a point where he is no longer doing this to seek attention. But I understand, with Gavin, its different so I am by NO means comparing or suggesting that ignoring the behavior is wrong. Actually its my older son where ignoring works. He's way more manipulating than Matt. You and Lizze are AWESOME parents. John and I also disagree at times how to handle Matt.

    Every time we have a bad day here (like the one you are having) I tell John "Tomorrow will be better cus it can't get much worse". He hates it when I say that but I say it anyway. I pray for you guys to have a better day tomorrow.

    Mandi

    • Cheryl on April 12, 2010 at 7:15 am
    • Reply

    We all have days/nights like you've had. There were plenty of times I said things in a "less" constructive way that I regretted later. And my Max, doesn't talk, so sometimes, when I am truly at my wits end, I end up yelling things, because I know he can't talk back to me. It's normal to have meltdowns. There are days, when I truly do not know how I can move on. Max can have trouble going to the bathroom, for the most part he is OK, but then he can have days where he will defecate on himself 3-4 times. It rough, cleaning all that stuff up is rough and quite nerve racking. Some days he is ok and other days, his behavior is "off the meat racket."

    So don't feel guilty, because you human and sometimes, it just gets overwhelming.

    • J on April 12, 2010 at 6:33 am
    • Reply

    It sounds to me like you had tried everything else first and you were desperate and tired, so don't beat yourself up too much. I have occasionally said things 'too bluntly' to my son in a heated attempt to get him to see what he was doing and I think although it is probably not the way to go, sometimes saying things bluntly is the only way they'll actually understand.

  2. I think as parents there are times when we insert our foot down our throat with our kids. We tend to get so fustrated when normal calm speech isn't working that we tend to say something we're gonna regret. I think it's just really hard at times caring for these kids and watching the impact they cause at home that we just want them to stop it. We don't always think about the most calmest way to do it or to explain their actions to the point they will get it. Especially when he has the other parent in pain and crying. That tends to set one parent off cause kids need to see saying mean things about their mother isn't going to help as she is the one who carries them. Speaking as a "insulted mother" I am usually the brunt of their anger when they are mad. We go through the pregnancy just to have years later not nice things said because these kids get in a mood or have a meltdown.

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