I just got the 2 oldest down to sleep. Gavin is watching Voltron and laying in bed. I read Elliott bedtime stories. I have to read 5 stories. It’s always 5 stories. He’s very particular. He rarely ever stays awake through the 2nd book but before he falls asleep me makes me promise to finish reading all 5 books even after he falls asleep. I have to do it, I could never break a promise to him intentionally. It’s these moments that I realize just how tough his little life is. In many ways it’s probably harder then Emmett’s or Gavin’s. Elliott takes psychological and emotional abuse from Gavin. Gavin just messes with Elliott’s head all the time. This is one of the many reasons we do our best to supervise any contact they have.
Emmett on the other hand is physically abusive. I know abusive is a strong word but it conveys my point. Elliott has bruises and scratches from Emmett. Emmett will just walk up to Elliott and crack him in the head with something for seemingly no reason at all. Elliott never really retaliates either. I wish we could find a way to manage all of this better.
If Emmett could talk maybe he wouldn’t get so frustrated and lash out all the time. If Gavin didn’t have the mental instability maybe he would have a higher quality of life and brighter future. Maybe if Elliott wasn’t stuck in the middle all the time or constantly filled with anxiety he wouldn’t be so whiny or explosive. Elliott collects little “trinkets” or “treasures” like paper clips or little nick-nacks. Dr. Pattie tells us that this type of behavior is usually seen in foster children. It’s a way for them to have some control. It helps them to feel safe… What the heck are we doing so wrong that Elliott feels like a foster child? That is truly heartbreaking for me..
I hope in this coming year we can make some progress with Emmett and Gavin. I hope that this progress has a trickle down effect on Elliott. Elliott is mainstreamed with no problems at all. He sees Dr. Pattie each week for some play time. It’s the one thing he truly looks forward to. It’s the one place he can go and say and do anything he needs to. It a safe place for him and I am very grateful we have at least that to give him.
Thanks for sharing.. I know it's pretty common it just seems like one more thing to worry about. It could be nothing or it could be something. We seem to have a lot of those things.
Hope you have a great new year
My boys are both (12, HF and 10 asperger) collecting whatever is collectable. But only some of these collected things are important over years and some will be forgotten after a week (sometimes). Sometimes I think it is getting too much and causing a mess in the whole house but after years we are now able to drop things together. Thats great. Our biggest problem now is to find a school for our aspi.
The collecting is not only found in foster kids. Many of my students exhibit this same behavior. I have seen kids collect string, paper clips, pennies, small pieces of paper etc. One year, the custodian though we had a mouse because in one corner of our room, behind a desk, he kept finding pile of little bitty pieces of torn up paper. He was going to set a trap over a weekend, but then one afternoon I caught Andrew crawling back there and sorting through his treasure pile of torn up paper. For whatever reason it meant something to him.