Today has been very trying. Gavin is driving me completely batty. I can’t take a whole lot more of him. He literally has the memory of a gold fish. Maybe that’s mean to say but it’s the best way to describe it. A gold fish only remembers the last few seconds. So each time it swims to the other side of the bowl it’s a new experience. However, with Gavin it seems to be selective. He can remember “important” things like legos and star wars but not the basic rules that have been in place for a very long time. I find myself constantly repeating myself to him. I also have the serenity prayer embedded in my brain because I say it constantly.
Emmett is just more the a handfull. He is completely and utterly exhausting. We seem to get nowhere with discipline. I have no idea how to counter the outwardly aggressive behaviour.
Elliott is stuck in the middle between the brother that psychologically abuses him and the brother who physically abuses him. He just whines ALL the time and it makes me want to just go beat my head into he wall just to drown it out. Part of it is he is 4 years old. Part of it is the aspergers but much of it is a reaction to his environment. I really try to keep that in mind when dealing with his behavior. It’s not easy but I do must in order to be fair.
Lizze is in extreme amounts of pain. She won’t take her pain meds because she won’t allow me to go through this alone. I don’t know what’s worse, doing this on my own or watching her suffer and I do mean suffer. Once Wednesday hits we will be one step closer to getting a small part of her life back. The cramps will finally be gone. They are like labor pains all the time and it’s extremely painful as well as exhausting.
I’m stuck here with my hands tied unable to fix any of this but no for lack of trying.. It’s really painful for me to watch my family go through this and basically be helpless to relieve any of the pain my kids and wife experience each day. I just feel really low right now. These are the times I feel like a failure….
Posted Via WordPress Android. Powered by Epic 4G & MIDNIGHT ROM