Trying to describe what it feels like to lose a child to the regressive form of Autism is impossible. I know that most people won’t understand when I say “it’s like Gavin died” but that’s exactly what it feels like. Gavin was born typical and then one day a switch was flipped and the Gavin we had known and loved for the first 3 or 4 years of his life was gone. I don’t think there is any way to describe the grief I feel every single day.
Everything we had planned on and wanted for him faded away into nothing. The hardest part is seeing him every day and knowing that he’s no longer who he was. Not many people will understand but it is the reality I live in.
Danny Gokey did this song for his wife that died. This song means a lot because it articulates how I feel in a way that my own words couldn’t. I hope it touches you as much as it has me.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNyk6ema5AM&ob=av2e[/youtube]
-lost and tired
I can relate!! I'm not giving up on Markie!! Right now he is going deeper into this world Marc and I can not fit into. I MISS Markies laugh…The REAL laugh not the one that sounds evil or fake. I miss real hugs from him. I miss our talks. I just miss him. I keep looking for that glimmer of the old Marc while trying to understand and comunicate with the new Marc.