I shouldn’t be so quick to judge….

The other night I posted about a very hurtful comment someone made about my family. You can read that here. I received a message this morning and this is what it said:

 

From Rockwood:

“I’m not sure where to put this, so I’m just going to place it here. I’m the sister of ThyGuyX and I’m again horrified to see what he has said here. We were informed that this was happening this morning by a friend who stumbled upon a alarming rant my brother left on a forum he frequents. I can’t begin to apologize for the actions of my brother, just as I can’t begin for the other sites we found in his web history. The only consolation I can give you is that he will never be allowed to get on a computer on his own anymore (If at all), and that this probably wasn’t intentional (I’m just not sure after the things I’ve seen on other sites). He isn’t himself anymore.

Three years ago he was committed and diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Psychosis, and paranoia. He went from someone who believed that one day we could have world peace, and wrote children stories, too a person that now is highly erratic even with medication and is highly delusional at times. When confronted about what he’s been posting online; he began to rampage that he was spreading the “truth” to the world? He will be getting evaluated by mental health tomorrow to see if he needs to be admitted and his medicine changed or increased.

I’m not saying any of this to make excuses. I would be furious if anyone DARE say the things he said to me, but let alone about my children. My son has mild mental disability with ADHD, and we had to deal with his teacher calling him the R word. I find it sad and ironic that my brother is attacking those who are mentally handicapped, when he himself is mentally ill.”

 

I’m guilty of being way to quick to judge. I made the assumption this was ignorance without giving any thought to other possibilities. What Rockwood did here takes great courage and I commend her for that but I have told her she has NOTHING to apologize for. Please keep Rockwood and her family in your thoughts and prayers. This has been a lesson for me and I hope for all of you as well.

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Dawn

An Honesty Comment (to coin your phrase) 😉

I've been following this blog for a while, but this is really the first time I feel the need to comment. Let me begin by saying that I'm not trying to tell anyone how to react or feel about anything, this is just MY OPINION. I just wanted to offer a different perspective, at the risk of coming across as a heartless hardass.

Rob, you really seem like a genuinely good person. Perhaps to a fault. While I truly understand how you might feel as though you jumped to conclusions and maybe shouldn't have reacted the way you did, I feel like you were totally justified regardless of the reasons explained by Rockwood. Your #1 priority is to protect your family. It's not okay to spew the nastiness that ThyGuyX did, but this is the internet and it's unrealistic to expect everyone to always play nice. I know, I run a fairly large forum. All we can do is decide whether there was any value in what these people say, and determine whether or not to allow them to post anymore. In my forum, heated debate is encouraged, but personal attacks are not allowed. It doesn't matter if the person has an excuse or not, it's just not allowed. Period. There is nothing to be gained from that.

As to the comments about judging people…I'm sorry, I know this is not going to be a popular comment…but we have GOT to judge people to determine what is right and what is wrong. What is right for me might not be the same for you, and that is where there should be some leniency. But to try and never judge people because we don't know their personal circumstances is a bit irresponsible. This blog is like your home. You are opening up your house and letting all of us in to see what your life is like. I can't imagine you would allow someone to actually come into your home and say the things ThyGuyX said. I don't think I'm articulating this very well. I guess I'm just trying to say that I support your desire to put that guy on blast about what he said. It's unacceptable under any circumstances and I'm impressed that you stepped up to protect your family. However, I'm disappointed that you were so quick to place any fault on yourself in this post.

Summary:
He attacked your family. You stood up and protected your family. Bravo! WHY he did it doesn't change the fact that he did it. I, for one, would crawl through broken glass and fight to the death to protect those I love from anyone trying to hurt them, and I would do it without apology.

Lost_and_Tired

Dawn… First off let me thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think you were very well spoken and didn't across wrong. The reason I said I was quick to judge was because I NOW know what was going on. You know like 20/20 hindsight. I guess my intention wasn't to blame myself for anything but point out that I had never even considered that possibly. I can relate to Rockwood because Gavin suffers from something very similar to her brother.
I'm not sorry I defend my family just that I never considered the other possibilities. That's all, I also don't want Rockwood to feel bad because it isn't her fault anymore then it is my fault that Gavin does the things that her does.
Thank you Dawn. You should inject your comments more often. You have really good insight. 🙂

My recent post Autism- self-injury and “outside the box” thinking

@pugariffic73

Wow. Don' t be too hard on yourself. Your a parent protecting your child. I know where this person's coming from. I have to monitor my son online also. He doesn't know how to interact with people appropriately. He tends to stalk people on youtube whose videos he likes. Its been quite an ordeal. That was so great of her to explain the situation. I know when I've had to write emails like that, the person had that "ah-ha" moment and let me apologize with dignity. Things happen. You did nothing wrong. Its was a bad situation that is now resolved.

Onyx Panthyr

It never occurred to me that ThyGuyX may have had his own legitimate issues. This is definitely an interesting lesson to learn from. I agree with Nikky that there is a problem that there are so many more out there who are ignorant (and just mean) and do attack people. I don't know that I would still not be so quick to judge in the future, for if you or a loved one is attacked (whether verbally or physically), how could you not be expected to go on the defense? It's sad and the fact remains that this world is full of people that are just plain deliberately cruel to others.

Kudos to Rockwood for coming forward to explain things. It has given me a lot to think about today.

kellie

I try so hard not to think people are judging me and my son and even today I thought I did really well ignoring the stares in the supermarket during a meltdown. Damn it that Im not the only one with problems! I am so angry at myself for thinking how much I hated what he said to you and your family when it never even occured to me that he might have some issues too. I guess Ive got a long way to go before I can stop judging others myself.

Lost_and_Tired

Your a glass "half empty" kinda girl…aren't ya. 🙂
Your right I don't know but I know now that their are sometimes reasons for what people say. It will just make he think a bit more before reacting. 🙂 But you are right I won't know….. Thanks 🙂

My recent post Autism- self-injury and “outside the box” thinking

Nikky

not necessarily “half empty”… I just (much like Lizze) don’t do well with not having my guard up. Sometimes it is easier to assume the worst then be proven wrong, and be happier for it. :/ Truely – I am glad that she made an attempt to make amends so that everyone would know that despite his comments, her brother really isn’t THAT guy… if that makes sense?

Lost_and_Tired

Hey Nikky. I was just teasing you. I understand exactly what you were saying. Sarcasim doesn\’t translate well on line 😉 Thanks again

Nikky

Rob – While Rockwood did a very commendable thing (coming to explain her brother's state of mind as best she knows it) I think he was an exception to a rule. Yes there are alot of people out there who have mental illnesses such as her brother – however in everyday conversation I have heard similar diatribes by others who certainly had all of the mental capacities about them. It is sad that in this day and age that some would think to speak the way they do about special needs children (and adults) and the family's who are left to pick up the pieces is remotely acceptable.

While this time, it happened to be someone else with mental illness how do you know the next time it won't be?

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