Frustrated Incorporated

I was to vent a little bit right now, so please bare with me.

Right now I’m really frustrated with Gavin because of his recent relapse into sexually aggressive behaviors.  I’m once again having to protect his little brothers from his unwanted advances.  Right now,  he very into kissing and so he always seems to be looking for an excuse to kiss one of his brothers. 
Tonight,  Lizze caught him making out with a Mario plush doll,  which of course,  lead to Emmett doing the same thing. 

I’m ticked off because I’m constantly having to make sure Gavin is supervised when he is around his brothers.  This makes things so much more difficult because they can no longer just go upstairs and play.  Like I didn’t already have enough to worry about.  We have taken yet another step in the wrong direction. 

The method that seemed to work the last time is not something I want to have to repeat. Gavin doesn’t respond to the softer approaches and he rarely learns from his mistakes, likely because of his memory issues.  However,  after having met with all our experts and extensive trial and error,  we found one approach that seemed to be effective.  The problem is that it involves embarrassing Gavin,  and that just feels wrong.

However,  with that said,  it does work.  Please understand that Gavin is not a typical child.  Between the Autism, Schizoaffective disorder and sociopathic tendencies, it’s extremely difficult to address these types of behaviors.  We have little choice but to employ more radical and outside of the box type responses to this sexually aggressive behavior.

Basically,  when Gavin touches someone in an inappropriate way,  we are supposed to embarrass him in front of everyone.  Believe me,  I know how horrible this sounds.  I absolutely hate the idea of having to do this again.  Truth be told,  I’ve cried in the past after having to do this.

Despite my lack of enthusiasm about this particular approach, we have to break this behavior.

This is such a dangerous road for him to go down again.  In the past,  he has only targeted family and didn’t seem to concern himself with gender, as everyone was a potential target.

What happens if he does this to someone at school or at therapy?  I’m not sure the police are going to care that he is Autistic when they are responding to a sexual assault. Sexual assault has a pretty broad definition.  He would certainly be kicked out of school for something like this and I wouldn’t blame them.  They have to protect the other students and clients.

We have discussed with all the doctors,  his past history of sexual abuse.  Many of them testified in court, trying to defend Gavin.

The problem is that Gavin was so young and he is unable to recall those events.  Just because he doesn’t remember, doesn’t mean it’s not a problem, or not affecting his behaviors.  He has been in therapy for most of his life and nothing seems to help. This is so complicated because of his developmental status and past history of abuse. 

However,  at the same time,  it’s pretty goddam cut and dry.  No one will ever touch any of my children,  in that way. I don’t care who it’s and what their motives are,  it will not be tolerated.

The fact that I have to protect Elliott and Emmett from Gavin,  makes no difference.  I would do the exact same thing for Gavin and in fact I have already. 

I’m angry because someone is essentially assaulting my two youngest,  and I’m resentful because it’s my oldest that is doing the assaulting.

What am I supposed to say to Elliott and Emmett?  I have taught them that no one has the right to touch them,  especially when it makes them feel sick in their tummy or as Elliott put it “creeped out”. I’m slightly relieved that Elliott came to me when he felt uncomfortable…well actually very relieved. 

We are going to have to talk to his teachers again and let them know to keep an eye on him. 

In the end, we have to protect our children,  even if it’s from one of our children. This is a very sad and nauseatingly ugly truth.

Until next time……   

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Suzanne

I know of a good book that might help Elliott and maybe Emmett. It's called Everyone's got a bottom. It goes through what's safe and not.

Diane

I am sorry to hear this. I am sure that most of us are going to have to address sexual issues with our kids at some stage or another! 🙁
I am attaching a link for your interest. My friend Zoe is involved with RDI (United Kingdom) and her latest blog post is written by Brendan ~ he is an RDI consultant and also involved with Gentle Teaching. I am wondering if Gentle Teaching would be able to help you with your situation. Kind regards. Di

Didn’t you say you would be talking to a dr in a few days? Shaming him doesn’t seem like it would be effective.

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