I’m only human

Today is one of those days where all the screaming, whining and crying is going to push me over the edge. I know that most of these behaviors are outside of the boys control but goddammit, if it’s not just relentless today.

Emmett will take something from Elliott. This will send Elliott into a screaming and crying fit, because Emmett’s secret weapon to get what he wants, is hitting. Once Elliott starts crying, it takes forever for him to regain his composure. Simply talking to him will set him off again, so it’s best to let it play out.

This will typically spark all the drama. As soon as I correct Emmett for hitting Elliott, he just screams this blood curdling scream. This will go on for quite some time and redirection doesn’t seem to work. It’s like they are competing to see who can push Daddy over the edge the fastest.

However, despite both their attempts, the award for who can push Daddy over the edge the fastest goes to Gavin.

Last night Gavin came downstairs with a few other pairs of socks that he has destroyed. Now I have to go out to the store today and get him new socks as he literally doesn’t have any left. However, this time, Gavin is going to be paying for them. I refuse to buy him any more socks so long as he continues to destroy them, inside of a week. Maybe that’s wrong of me but at this point, I just don’t care.

Gavin is also tippy toe dancing on my very last nerve with all the manipulation.

If we give Gavin an inch, he’ll try and take a foot. If we give Gavin a foot, he’ll try and take a yard. You get the point. He does this with everything.

I wanted to give Gavin a chance to play a game on Emmett’s Android4Autism device. So what I do is allow Gavin to help Emmett when he needs help. This gives Gavin a chance to play but at the same time it’s pretty limiting. Gavin, doesn’t do well when playing video games, unless they are in short bursts. That’s why allowing him to help, works so well, at least in theory.

However, what ended up happening was Gavin literally following Emmett around the house, asking him if he needed help playing a game. Emmett wasn’t even playing the game at that point. Gavin was trying to get Emmett to play the game, for the sole purpose of him being able to help.

As soon as I put a stop to that and explained to Gavin why I did so, I was graced with another meltdown.

I’m so sick and tired of the manipulation. Over the years, it’s gotten to the point where we have to question Gavin’s motives for everything. More often than not, he has an angle. I hate having to question everything he does, especially in light of all he is physically going through.

I’m frustrated, overwhelmed and honestly, a bit angry.

By writing this down I can purge and at the same time, provide insight into the inner workings of the Lost and Tired  family. Also, I would hope this doesn’t need to be said but just to cover all my bases, here it goes. Just because I’m angry or frustrated with Gavin or the other boys, doesn’t mean I don’t love them. In fact, I share these things on here as a way of venting so that I can be a better parent to them.

Venting allows me to purge and then walk away. I never want my frustrations to affect my ability to be a good father to my boys. I love them more than anything in the world. The problem is that I’m only human and I’m tasked with a job that often requires super human abilities, of which I have none. Hopefully that makes sense.

I haven’t been at this point in quite some time but as things become more and more difficult, I will need to purge like this more frequently. That’s kinda how I got this blog started in the first place.

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Rebbue

I see someone else is up in the middleof the night 🙂 On meltdowns – what works with some doens't work with others, isn't it true. We have a doctor who has a spectrum child of his own born on the same day as ours. HIs view is tht if we can get our kids through to adulthood wthout anyone gettng permanently maimed, jailed or dead, then we're dong good. Sounds cynical, but actually calming – it notes that it s going to be crazy for a while. Wanted to send a virtual hug to your family – been following a whle, and we've been on a hard path as well. The good news is that our son's actually dong really well now – he's gong on 18. So it can get better. There were days when we honestly didn't think it was worth any of us going on living, seriously. The pain was just that bad. But joy comes in the morning.

Steven Perrin

Oh man. I have just come off the back of a week of manipulating tantrums/explosions/nuclear fallout so I know how you feel. I hope your blog helps release some of the aggravation. If I was in your position and I could get some time out to clear my head with some exercise or relaxation I would try to do it pronto. Good luck, and by the way, I reckon it is a good idea to not have to pay for the socks – I am curious how it works out – let us know.

Praying that you find peace in the turmoil of your lives. You are on your way there my friend. Simply by posting about it, you are acknowledging that it is causing you heartache. Today will pass. Tomorrow is yet another step forward on the path of this fantastic adventure we call life.

Ann Marie Hake Hughes

I've been playing Sing and Hum (the song on the first page, the link to it) and the Memoves videos (from their first page, not the $60 DVD and it's stopped the STUFF in the house lately. Stuff so bad that we had MAJOR med changes this week. (Which haven't kicked in/don't have them/get spit out/etc.) It's worth a shot, I'll get direct links if you can't find it in a search engine. (Migraine, cant type much now)

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