So I just learned something a few minutes ago that quite honestly has me so pissed off that I’m shaking. As I’m writing this, Gavin is having a huge meltdown.
As I have explained before, the Lost and Tired family has been forced to adopt a zero tolerance policy for touching. This policy applies to Gavin because he has a long history of inappropriate touching.
Now before I get any more emails telling me that there’s no such thing as inappropriate touching because some cultures endorse it, save it. I don’t want to hear and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise. And yes, I have actually heard from people telling that.
When I talk about inappropriate touching, I’m referring to Gavin touching people in areas of their body that would be covered by a swim suit.
Because Gavin just can’t seem to grasp that concept, we have had to adopt the aforementioned, zero tolerance policy in regards to him touching anyone without their permission. Elliott is very good at telling us when Gavin touches him, Emmett on the other hand isn’t for obvious reasons.
Gavin just keeps testing the limits and this afternoon Elliott informed me that Gavin touched him. Apparently, Gavin had pushed Elliott’s finger with his finger. While that doesn’t seem like a big deal and it really isn’t, he knows he’s not suppose to be touching.
Gavin, when confronted about this, immediately freaks out because he knows he’s been caught.
I had sent Gavin upstairs because he was freaking out. I wanted to speak with Elliott who was upset. Elliott was worried that he had done something wrong because Gavin was so angry.
What Elliott told me next, set my blood boiling and me into a panic. Elliott informed Lizze and I that Gavin touches him and then tells him not to tell us because it’s a secret. Now, I don’t know what kind of touching he was referring to but honestly, it doesn’t matter. I mean, obviously it matters, but at the moment I was focused on the whole secret thing and the principle of it.
I spoke with Gavin about this and he admitted to this before freaking out that he was caught once again.
Are you friggin kidding me?
No one tells any of my kids, including Gavin, to keep secrets from us. The fact that Gavin is the one telling Elliott to keep the touching a secret feels like a betrayal, if that even makes sense.
I don’t know what to think and as a person who has experienced that as a child, everything in me is screaming that I need to protect my babies, even if it’s from Gavin.
I need to be very careful about how this is handled. Before I discuss anything with Elliott or even Gavin, I will wait until we see Dr. Pattie on Tuesday. Until then, Gavin is grounded and will have no contact with his brothers. Until I figure out what to do, I have also removed his TV privileges as well.
I’m so angry right now and I’m writing this post because I’m hoping this will allow me to decompress and calm down.
I just need to make it through tonight and tomorrow. I can do that. I have to do that. As much as I want to grill Gavin about what kind of touching he was doing, it’s best to leave that to a professional. The same thing applies to Elliott.
I need a goddamn happy place.
After having time to cool off and think more rationally about this, here’s what we have decided. Gavin is grounded, no question about that. Whether the touching was innocent or inappropriate it doesn’t matter. He knows that he’s not supposed to be touching anyone. What really upsets me, aside from the obvious, is the fact that he encouraged Elliott not to tell. That bothers me because it shows that he knows he did something wrong.
I appreciate all the feedback and advice. My hope is that we can help Gavin through this and on the path of better choices. However, whether or not that ever happens, bot Lizze and myself will do whatever is needed to protect our boys, even if it has to be from their own brother.
Gavin’s intentions are irrelevant because what he’s doing is wrong even if it’s simply him testing the limits by touching him brothers finger. Zero tolerance is zero tolerance.