I was talking with my mother this afternoon and she mentioned an interesting conversation she had with Gavin yesterday.
Gavin is prone to just sorta say whatever he’s thinking and out of nowhere he’ll involve someone in a conversation he’s been having in his head. Most people find themselves quite confused because Gavin assumes that they have been listening to his internal thoughts and so speaks with them as though they should know what he’s talking about. The reality is that they have no clue as to what he’s talking about.
Anyway, Gavin kinda did this to my parents yesterday.
Out of nowhere he started talking about his meltdowns. He told them that he hasn’t been having them and went on to explain why. He told mom that he’s not melting down anymore because I told him that if he did, he would lose his Teddy Bear or his favorite blanket. He doesn’t want to loose either of those things so he’s just not melting down.
To me, this is very telling. The fact that he’s choosing not to meltdown because he fears the temporary loss of a physical possession. This demonstrates an enormous amount of control.
Again, Gavin’s situation is unique in the sense that these meltdowns are a manipulative tool as apposed to overstimulation or sensory seeking.
My parents explained to him that while that’s great he’s not having the meltdowns that he needs to remember that he should not be melting down because it’s a better choice and it scared his little brothers, not just because he doesn’t want to loose a possession.
I have been having that very same, fruitless discussion with him for many years. I’ve realized that simply because Gavin is a teenager doesn’t mean that he grass that concept. In fact, Gavin’s intent for doing the right thing is always because he doesn’t want to face the music afterwards. It’s never because it’s the right thing to do. I think it’s important that we still reinforce this positive message but at the same time know it’s not likely to stick.
Once I realized what drove Gavin, it made it a bit easier to address the behavior.
I still hope that he someday understands the meaning or right and wrong and can actually use that to guide his decision making process. I would love to see Gavin upset because he hurt someone and not just because he’s being held accountable for his actions.
However, I’ll take what I can get, at least at this point.
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
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Posted via WordPress for Android. Please forgive any typos as auto correct and I don’t see eye to eye.