It’s almost Father’s Day and I have run out of patience. Emmett is just beginning a new fever flare, Elliott is constantly reporting to us and Gavin isn’t listening.
At times like this I realize that I have very real limitations. I don’t know know why that bothers me so much, but it does.
People seem to think that I’m some great role model and I just don’t see it. I should have more patience with my boys. They deserve more patience than I have to offer them. Especially when it comes to Gavin.
I have a shorter fuse when it comes to Gavin because it’s always something. Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing and maybe he does. Either way Gavin’s behavioral choices are like a black hole in the sense that nothing can escape it, even my patience. Maybe that’s a bad analogy.
I guess my point is that while the world is celebrating Father’s Day, I feel like I don’t deserve it.
There are so many things that I need to do better and so much more time I need to give to my boys. It’s really frustrating for me to see that despite my attempts to do best by my family, I so often miss the mark.
I’m not perfect and believe me, I know I’m not. Even still, I tend to set expectations for myself that I can rarely ever live up to. I’m very hard on myself and quite unforgiving as well. However, in my mind it’s justified because my family deserves so much more than what I have been able to do.
I don’t know, maybe today is just a bad day. I’m feeling more depressed than normal. I hate correcting Gavin so much and it makes me feel cruel and unfair, even though we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. I just wish I could have one day of really good choices and we could all just enjoy the peace and harmony before being slapped back to reality with another meltdown.
This is one of those posts where I don’t know how much sense it will actually make to my readers. It’s more like an internal dialog with myself that I have written down.
Does that make sense?
Here’s to a better afternoon….
**Thanks for reading**
-Lost and Tired
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