End of our rope

      12 Comments on End of our rope

The impact of Gavin‘s behaviors are far reaching and long lasting.  Lizze is simply incredibly stressed out. I don’t ever remember seeing her this bad.

She’s really struggling with this because she loves Gavin so much but in truth,  she’s afraid of him.

This is in many ways,  her worst nightmare come true.  She had done everything superhumanly possible to provide Gavin with love,  compassion and acceptance.  She doesn‘t want Gavin to turn out the way his biological father did,  none of us do..

There is this ever present fear that nothing is going to change his course.  The future isn’t predetermined and Gavin is still very young,  so he hold tightly to hope.  Having said that, his behaviors are scary,  for all of us,  and they continue to escalate.



We are to the point of having to call the police on our 12 year old little boy because he has become so dangerous when angered. I know how hard that is for me and I can’t imagine what that feels like to her.

I wish we just had a sign from Gavin that he gets it.  That he understands what is happening and that he wants to change his behavior and make better decisions. I wish that we could believe him when he says he’s sorry. In fact,  I wish he meant it when he says he’s sorry. I told him today that saying he’s sorry at this point doesn‘t mean anything to us.  He needs to show us that he sorry, by making better choices and doing this to his family,  several times a day.

He doesn‘t get it.  Maybe someday he will,  but right now,  it’s very clear that he doesn‘t.

Lizze can’t physically take anymore.  I’m at the end of my rope as well.  The boys are beyond stressed out and need to feel safe in their own home.

We want Gavin home but not the behaviors. 

Does that make any sense?

This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.

-Lost and Tired

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This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct is working against me.

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  


  • Rob, Carl & Marlene,
    I cannot and should not diagnose from blog posts, however I can say there are many indicators of IASO in the posts above. There is a screening survey available on my website at the below page; it is the same one published in the book. If you will take a minute to answer these survey questions for your child, it may help us better determine whether IASO treatment could help. http://hopefortheviolentlyaggressivechild.com/?pa
    My recent post Comment on Frequently Asked Questions by DoctorAnkenman

  • Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everything

  • carl says:

    I am living your pain my friend. we are going through the same things with Marc. We put him in the hospital and he convinces them that he isn't a behavior problem, and that he didn't try to kill our pets and… then we bring him home and he starts up again with not listening, vomiting up his meds because he doesn't want them in his body and being physically aggressive to others. I wish I had a magic answer. Marc can control his behavior when he wants to. I have seen him do it.

    He likes the hospital because he gets to pick his meals. He doesn't like it because he can't have contact with people other than staff, and he seems them through a window most of the time. He doesn't interact with the other kids.

    What is the answer? In our case, my health can't keep going. I have had 4 hours of sleep in the last 48. I should qualify that. I have had 4 hours of "good" sleep. I can't keep going like this. My family can't keep going like this. Marc can't keep going like this.
    My recent post Section 4 – About a Father

    • CaseManagerD says:

      If you need some help in regards to the hospital stays, you can try what i've done. For one of the people I work with, his team and I created a letter to send to the hospital every time he goes that gives an outline of how to work with him that includes, if possible, not providing extra meals or food, no extra privileges, limited interaction with doctors and nurses (no buddy play or trying to be his friend, etc.), and other things specific to his needs. Some hospitals have been agreeable, while others have balked at the restrictions. If you would like a sample of the letter then I could always email you a generic one that you could use.

      As far as the meds, can any be given intravenously? Or how about mixing into his food?

  • Rob, I have tried to replying to your tweets, it is unclear if you see my messages.

    At severe levels, meltdowns may be Immature Adrenaline Systems Overreactivity (IASO). IASO is *not* a mental illness, nor is it a part of one. However, autism and other mental illnesses can make a child more susceptible or prone to Immature Adrenaline Systems Overreactivity. IASO can also occur in people with no diagnosis of mental illness.
    IASO includes two different adrenaline crisis states: the beta-adrenergic” rage reaction (evading danger), and the “alpha-adrenergic” rage reaction (fighting perceived threats.) These two states are naturally built into all humans, but can occur in unexpected situations for some people, such as autistics.
    The regimen is based on adrenaline acting medication (not psychiatric drugs) and often provides rapid results as well as the opportunity to eventually overcome these behaviors and cease the treatment.
    http://www.HopefortheViolentlyAggressiveChild.com

    Ralph Ankenman, MD

    • I replied to your tweets. 🙂 Sorry we missed each other. This is very possible with Gavin. The only question I have is that in Gavin's case, he seems to be in control of these meltdowns, meaning he can start and stop on a dime. Would IASO still apply to a child like that or is this a different situation.

      I truly appreciate you reaching out. Thank you so very much.

  • For what it’s worth don’t feel alone. Gone thru the same thing here and you are entering adolescence with him and it’s gonna get worse. Nip it now if you can. Medication helped control my now 15 yr old from beating the hell out of me. Though we are in a non compliance stage and I have had to start looking into to the world of residential. Not something I ever wanted to do but I keep telling myself maybe it will be the best thing for him in the end. My guess thru experience is that Gavin doesn’t like it either, I mean who does like to be aggressive and angry. My boy D doesn’t like it either. They just don’t know how to handle things. It’s almost like a secret cry for help.I also understand the discord it causes with everyone in the house. When one child meltsdown here it sets the other one off. So in the midst of you and your wife feeling like this remember your child still loves you, it’s the autism not your child. I hope you can get things figured out soon and get everyone some peace.

  • Marlene Barnett says:

    As I’ve said before this is a parents worst nightmare. Since I’ve been through this nightmare I truly feel for you.
    Having to make this decision is emotionally and physically draining on the body.
    I remember the day I left my son in the psych ward as if it was yesterday. I went home and cried all night. You feel like the worst parent in earth. But, you have to think about yourself and your other children,, too. Your doing the right thing no matter how awful you are feeling at the moment.

  • You’re definitely in my thoughts and prayers everyday drop a tear every now and then. Gavin’s like my first born Devin and first born. Both with same problems and when it comes down to this I can’t imagine how much pain she’s going through. My son displays similar behavior and it scares me to death. I also know the pain my son goes through hurts me looking at Gavin pictures smiling its hard to believe he has lost control but you couldn’t tell my son has either. I wish I had uplifting words of wisdom all I know is I can’t figure out why my son does the things he does either. There’s parents who don’t deserve kids. We want the best for ours but what is the best when they are out of control. I seriously pray for your family that some how Gavin can switch the anger to a happy child but being an autism mommy I could go to the moon if my son told me to but he would still be miserable. I’m just going to pray with all my heart and soul for you all. <3

  • Makes perfect sense, I can’t imagine what Lizzy is going through. You two are amazing parents and are doing all humanly possible for your son. Keep your faith and stand together knowing you’re doing what is best for the whole family. Prayers for you all and Gavin.

  • autiesmama says:

    Of course it makes sense. Perfect sense. It's the stuff of hope, you know? That said, it may not be possible. And *that* said, it may be possible that Gavin is more "at home" in a different living situation. I cannot say, of course. but he may be just a little bit relieved to know he's in a place where he's safe. From himself. And that you and the family are safe as well. That, too, is hope, I guess, but it *is* possible, isn't it? Rest well. You've done all you can and more. Rest and heal. Regards, Leslie
    My recent post The Strength of the Sometimes Sisters

  • Do you have any access to ABA behavioral intervention?