The pink elephant in the room

The E’s stayed with my parents and Gavin with with Lizze’s mom.  Lizze and used our alone time to meet with Dr.  Patti tonight.  It wasn’t the uplifting evening we usually get,  most other Tuesday nights.

Tonight’s topic,  as you have probably already guessed, was Gavin.

This was a very open and honest conversation about Gavin’s current state and what direction we are heading in?

This is not a discussion that any parent enjoys having about their child. However,  it has become necessary to put all the cards on the table, so to speak and talk about the big pink elephant in the room.

What everything boils down to is this.  What is actually happening with Gavin and what,  if anything can we do?

Before I go into this,  I ask that you please reserve any judgements for another time.  Believe it or not,  this is difficult enough.

Having said that,  we have all come to the realization that there is something seriously, seriously wrong with Gavin.  This has nothing to do with autism or other health related issues either.

I came right out and asked Dr.  Patti if she thought Gavin hated Lizze.  The response was not what I was expecting. Dr. Patti said that would imply that Gavin was attached to her in the first place.  While not what I was expecting to hear,  it put a great many things into perspective.

The truth is that Gavin has already been diagnosed with Conduct Disorder.  That is the last stop before a diagnosis of sociopath.

While Gavin is to young to be diagnosed officially,  as he would have to be 18 to be diagnosed,  it doesn’t mean we aren’t already dealing with that now. We have been seeing the signs for years now.

I know how this sounds but we have literally gone to the moon and back for him.  However,  this is something that we simply cannot fix. There is absolutely nothing that we can do to stop this train from leaving the station. My friend Carl from Why Not Fathers wrote an article called Autism and Sociopath..

This is beyond difficult to accept but not accepting the truth,  doesn’t change the reality of the situation.

I don’t know what we are supposed to and where we go from here.  If Lost and Tired ever described how I feel,  it certainly does so again.

We are meeting with a psychiatrist from the Cleveland Clinic this month.  This isn’t so much for a second opinion,   it instead get another set of eyes on things.  At this point,  all involved are on the same page and Sociopathy is what everyone is looking at.

I don’t have much more to say right now because I feel sick to my stomach over this.  I’ve always known this was true,  I just didn’t want to believe it.

I’m torn up over this but Lizze is really torn up over this. No amount of positive thinking or fairly dust will make this any better.

I’m so completely Lost and Tired.  :'(


Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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Have you ever seen this  &nbsp ;   It sounds like there might be a glimmer of hope if what was done for this girl  could be done for Gavin. This is such a painful thing to face and I only hope that a good resolution can be found for the entire family


 @PurpleLogicGlitch I haven't seen it but I will be now. Thank you 


You've probably addressed this several times, so please forgive me for repeating the question; is he on the waiting list for waiver services?  I do remember that you were looking at residential options for him; are you still looking?  It may be within everyone's interest if he was in a residential program before he becomes much bigger and then problems escalate for everyone.  If you ever need any help with resources let me know and I will do my best.


 @anansison Thank you. Residential is tough because his medical issues require things that most facilities can't accommodate. Thank you so much for the support. 🙂


One of my  adopted daughters had that diagnosis, and the havoc she could cause was  indescribable, unless of course, you live it.  Then you know. She didn't have autism, and she was cunning and bright, so her damage was of a psychological nature.  I swore she did not have a soul.  She never could be punished or made to understand what she did, just stared at me with pure hatred with her huge blue eyes fixed in an eerie, scary way. Her therapist suggested I sign her over to her sociopathic birth father because she could not be fixed, and she did not care a fig about us (or anybody).  I was sure my stellar skills could fix her, but I was sure wrong, She ran away at 17 to live with her crack addicted birth mom, and none of her support team suggested I go get her.  As I was sobbing this story to a therapist, he said, "sometimes you just gotta throw one overboard so the others can be saved." At the time I might have thought it insensitive, but it was dead on. Switch your efforts from rehab to pure survival for the other 4 of you, who can benefit from attention. Since he is still young and has so many medical needs, I realize how sad this makes you.  Nobody wants this for their kid, but some things are really unfixable.  Doesn't mean you love him less, and there is nothing you missed doing that could change anything. It's about the saddest thing a parent can hear, and I am really feeling bummed for you and Lizzie tonight. I so wish it were different for you. Peace and prayers.


@KathyKohlBuehler that was very well said. So many people don't understand. Thank you for being one that does. 🙂 although, it makes me sad that you do.


So sorry to hear this.  It's something I've been wondering about based on your recent posts.  I've been wondering if it's possible to create an "artificial conscience"?  Where he does the right thing because the consequences are preferable, even if he doesn't care about it being the right thing?  Or is that too tough to manage, since he's already discovered that he doesn't get caught every time, so there aren't consequences often enough to bother with?  I know it must be heartbreaking to consider your child isn't even emotionally invested enough in his mother to dislike her.  I hope you can find enough help to find solutions you can be at peace with. 


@Jenn50 thanks Jenn. I so appreciate your support… 🙂


I continue to read, and continue to learn. All I can say or do in this moment is hope that there is some sort of relief for you and the family, and especially for Gavin, no child is born in the world wanting to be, or feel like this.  Your family is always in my thoughts and as always sending positive energy your way.


 @perplexingminds Thanks. I can use all the positive thoughts I can get 🙂


My heart and prayers go out to all of you! Thanks for your incredible honesty and vulnerability. May you find peace!


@HeartsRestored thank you so much


Yes, you probably always knew.  No part of that makes any part of this any easier.  I am grieving for you both. Perhaps, even if it isn't easier to know, it is at least better to know? I cannot say, and I certainly don't mean to offend. Just trying to pull the tiniest flashlight out from under this very big and very scary pile of hurt and fear. Regards, Leslie


@autiesmama thank you for the flashlight 🙂


I know the carlyoung understands…….