Is your family supportive?

      23 Comments on Is your family supportive?


I expect that this question will bring about mixed answers.  However,  I wanted to try and see what your personal experience is on this subject.

Do you find that your family and friends are supportive?  If so,  how are they supportive? If not,  why do you feel they aren’t.

Do think that it comes down to good intentions but a lack of understanding?  Is it an unwillingness to learn?

I would really appreciate your feedback on this.  You certainly don’t need name names. However, by openly discussing this,  not only do you find others in a similar boat hut also help those well intentioned people to better understand.  🙂



 

This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct hate me.

 

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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Stephanie
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Stephanie

No. I'm not what they expected or wanted. Based on my IQ, they feel that difficulty or failure on my part is purely because that is what I want. If I wanted to succeed, I would, basically. Since I am not, I clearly don't. Anxiety, depression, asperger's…none of it matters. Everyone is anxious. Everyone is depressed. Everyone, excluding me, "gets on with life" because it is what they have to do. Therefore, I should do the same.  As far as they are concerned, I don't have AS because that is an ASD and I can't have an ASD because I… Read more »

hudginsvicky
Guest
hudginsvicky

I think people in general could not understand why I needed to stay home with my son, instead of working. The fact was, until recently he had so many social problems that he had a very difficult time in school. My entire life revolved around making sure he could manage, and being there for the meltdowns, and knowing when to tell  teachers and specialists to back off.  Most of the time he was mainstreamed, though in elementary grades he had a one-on-one aide. He had a lot of difficulties handling the noise, the other students' actions, and everything, really.   … Read more »

j12mc
Guest
j12mc

What Stephanie has said is almost verbatim of what people say about my daughter. They aren't nasty or rude about it-that's the worst part!- that they actually think they are being supportive when they tell me she's just a brat & a good spanking would teach her! No. It escalates her behavior. No one believes my daughter as AS because she's not dumb enough, not quiet enough, not reclusive enough. They don't pay attention to the fact that she repeats herself over & over to exhaustion, or that she frantically picks & twirls her hair & scratches her head when… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @j12mc That's terrible. I'm really sorry that you are forced to deal with that, let alone from family. It's heartbreaking for me to know that this goes on, even though I have experienced this first hand. That's one of the reasons I'm trying to build this community. People should never feel alone.

DeborahWigginSnyder
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DeborahWigginSnyder

I can relate to all three of the posts below, both regarding myself and my son. I am almost 47 and don't have an "official" diagnosis, but I am sure that I would be diagnosed with aspergers now. In some ways, it's a relief to know that I'm not just "weird", but my family insists that I can't be AS because, as j12mc said, I'm not quiet enough, I'm too smart, I am too friendly, etc. What they don't seem to get is that I am friendly with people I DON'T know. But I can't develop real friendships, and I… Read more »

kat13
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kat13

 @DeborahWigginSnyder That is really disappointing to hear that your own parents don't understand! 

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @DeborahWigginSnyder You don't know how many times I've said to my wife that I wish we lived really far away. in my mind it would justify the lack of involvement from my siblings. 

kat13
Guest
kat13

My family is very supportive, but sometimes what is done out of good intentions can be damaging to my daughter.   She needs to have a routine and a set of certain rules on the daily basis that helps her to accomplish unwanted task without a unnecessary stress. And when it is bent or changed, especially as far as "homework first and then play" rule, it is a hard work for us to get her back into the right routine. It becomes where she has to be forced into doing the homework and causes too much stress on her. They are willing… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @kat13 That's a good point. Medical professionals need to be more autism aware. We've had very similar experiences in the past. Sometimes those that should know don't and those you wouldn't expect, do.

MeganCKitchen
Guest
MeganCKitchen

Wow, this actually makes me rather sad that so many dont have supportive familys.  My family is very supportive of my son and what we are doing to help him.  They may not agree with all the choices we make (living in a little town in the middle of nowhere because it has AMAZING schools), but they don't tend to voice those opinions more than once.  The only thing I can really say is a problem is that my parents aren't sure they are ready to deal with my son overnight without us and we REALLY need a break. 

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @MeganCKitchen That's a very unfortunate truth. So many families go it alone because family and friends simply don't understand. 

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @hudginsvicky amen to that. 🙂

Rob Gorski
Admin

Thank you for sharing that. Hang in there. We're all here for you 🙂

Kathy Buehler
Member
Kathy Buehler

Handpicked friends in similar situations are incredibly supportive–family, not so much.  They mostly think I am weird to have adopted kids with issues, after I had "the perfect family" already.   Can't change their collective minds, so I just don't share much with the uninterested folks.  They really have NO idea about raising kids with extra requirements, and it just works better that way.  Could never have made it as a single parent without the support of my friends.I love my family, but I depend on my friends."

Jenn50
Guest
Jenn50

Our family really tries. In that way, they are tremendously supportive. But they aren't equipped to do a lot of the supporting we really need, like looking after her so we can get a break. My brother loves her dearly, but gets very frustrated with her, and my dad just flat out admits that he can't keep up with her.

DeeBrake
Guest
DeeBrake

i say YES i have a supportive family BUT….. not everyone has the proper perspective or tools to handle a special needs child. Some people who do not see us much tend to baby him like he is delayed but mostly because they have no idea how to act, it isnt their fault, they are just uneducated. Most members treat him like any other child, with no exceptions, which is great but also bad. often something simple may disrupt him and the delicate balance is broken but at the same time being treated as "just another kid" is great at… Read more »

j12mc
Guest
j12mc

My daughter (Olivia) was born deaf. She had bi-lateral cochlear implants during infancy & her AS was not diagnosed for years afterwards because a lot of the signs were waved off as contingent with the processing & receptive factors of learning to listen, hear, & speak with an electronic device. Before her AS diagnosis, my family was proud to talk about her & thought every little feat was an amazing leap & bound for her…and in a sense, they all were! Cochlear Implants are NOT a quick fix. They are an aiding device where you must put your mind &… Read more »

DeborahWigginSnyder
Guest
DeborahWigginSnyder

 @j12mc , my daughter, Tess, who just turned 18 yesterday, also has hearing impairment. Fortunately, she has been wearing hearing aides since age 4, but we still struggle with some of the behavior issues brought on from the frustration before she could hear well and then the frustration of dealing with the aides. And I'm sure, although she has no diagnosis, that she is on the autism spectrum. I know that kids with hearing impairment, especially girls, are often not diagnosed properly or at a much later time than they should be. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but… Read more »

KarimanElgoharyShama
Guest
KarimanElgoharyShama

it is a mixed bag here.  I just have my mom in the state where i live. She helps out alot, but due to her own issues, can become quite moody/irritable and then we don't see her for some time. I have one brother who cannot relate to my situation and so really cannot be of much support. I definitely need more support. The support comes from other moms here with kids with ASD. They are my best support, but like me, they are busy trying to manage everything, so i cannot count on them all the time.

Batty
Guest
Batty

 @hudginsvicky It's your gain and the family's loss that they are missing out on such a great kid!
 
 
 

Batty
Guest
Batty

Wow–what a loaded question!  My family will not associate at all with us due to the tales my mother tells about my children and me.  I am on the spectrum as is my mom, her mother and all of my great aunts and uncles.  They are all scientists, engineers, professors, and teachers.  My mom lives with one of my brothers about 100 miles away.  My dad died many years ago and he was the translator for my mom–he kept her from offending others and them from misunderstanding what her intentions were from her words.  I have only brothers and they… Read more »

Alma4
Guest
Alma4

I am so sorry to hear that I am in the process of my husband now understanding why I am who I am instead always apologizing to him or others.  I can totally relate my son has Autism and I try to tell him to be more patient with him only he knows what he deals with but my poor kiddo is trying.  I have to drag my family to do anything Autism related and they swear up and down I am bipolar cause I do not tolerate their passivness.  I hope things get better for you.

wyrdpookaone
Guest
wyrdpookaone

umm well, umm., father took off when I was 4 mother took off when I was 5, grandparents almost gave me to the orphanage,  (my younger sister and brother they were sure of but , I was for my grandmother ‘of uncertain parentage.)   Not an autism related thing but maybe it’s nice to know that it’s not only autism that causes families be be stressed.