This morning began with more Gavin related issues. We have had to make a rule that when he’s in his bedroom, he needs permission to leave. This is a huge PITA but it helps to ensure everyone’s safety.
This morning, Gavin asked me if he could use the bathroom. I said sure, gobuse the bathroom. I was in my room, still waking up.
Next thing I know, Lizze is standing there asking me if I had given Gavin permission to go downstairs. I said no, because I hadn’t. Apparently, Gavin told Lizze that I had given him said permission to leave his room and go downstairs.
That simply was not the case.
Lizze and I have told Gavin, over and over again that we will always check with each other on things like this.
Why he continues to try and sneak things by us is beyond me.
Apparently, this is typical behavior of someone with reactive attachment disorder (RAD). He’s constantly trying to play us off of each other or manipulate us.
Because of this, we have to check and double check everything he says. We have to assume he’s lying to us because 99% of the time, he is being untruthful.
The only way we can ensure everyone’s safety, until we get him placed, is to know where he is at all times. This means that if he’s sent to his room, he stays there until instructed otherwise. This lying to us in order to get what he wants is not going to fly.
… and for the record, he’s not misunderstanding us either. He will try to play that card but it no longer has any value as he has lost all credibility.
This whole thing breaks my heart. I wish things were different. 🙁
This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsungs Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct hate me.
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try to think of it differently,When Gavin does these things,he is confirming that yes, for the good of himself,and the safety of the others He has to be placed, He and his behavior is confirming that you and the doctors are right and let go of the guilt,If he is not supervised he will do things that will harm others and in turn ,hurt himself So if you didn't supervise him,if you allowed the lying without checking with Lizze He would continue unchecked into the world of using and abusing people and instead of a medical treatment facility he would be in prison (and I know you do not want that to happen )And you did not cause what Gavin is , The guilt goes to all that harmed him,not to you and Lizze that would move heaven and earth to change what he has become,that hurt and mental illness that has for right now has claimed him,Praying for your family,and the doctors and medicine anything else that might help your family Gloria
Rob, please remember that these things you must do are not by choice–I hope I'm wrong, but felt some guilt vibes in that post. Please remember that your only choice made is to be vigilant for the good of the entire family, Gavin included. No one can judge you. Now go back and re-read that. Out loud (change the pronouns, of course 🙂 ). Write it on your hand if you must (that's where I write stuff), but never, ever forget it.
You are getting *through* an impossible thing. You could choose to ignore this impossible thing, or stand at its door making excuses about why you couldn't get through it right now. You could even try looking around for someone to carry you through this impossible thing–many of us would pick from that list instead of doing what you do.
Please be proud of what you do for your family. I am proud of you, for what it's worth.
Are Marc and Gavin collaborating? I ask this because we went through something similar with Marc yesterday. I spend the whole night watching him sleep. Then about 4:30am he woke up, so I pretended to be asleep. Every time he would sneak off his bed, I would tell him to go back to it. Then I would pretend to go back to sleep. Minutes later he would be checking to see if I was awake or not and try to do it all over again. Marc knows the rules. Now his favorite thing is to say "What do you mean?" whenever we tell him not to do something.
So frustrated. And now I can't get people at the residential facility to return my phone calls.