“I hate myself”

      25 Comments on “I hate myself”


This post is going to be incredibly honest because I’m so angry right now.  I have to vent in a constructive manner.

Emmett just hurt Elliott again and was out into time out.

Upon arriving on the time out step,  he began hitting himself and screaming “I hate myself”, over and over again.

I want so badly to punish Gavin for this because he is responsible for teaching this shit to his baby brothers. How many 4 year olds scream “I hate myself”?  Probably not many.



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This is 100% learned behavior and Gavin is the teacher.  Saying that Emmett is responsible for his own behavior is total bullshit, at least start when it comes to this.  He’s 4 years old and is learning these behaviors from an extremely mentally disturbed older brother.

I don’t know how to minimize his impact on the family anymore. I’m so angry and hurt and honestly, broken hearted. 



I don’t know what to do but something has to be done.  This isn’t fair to the boys.  Their brother is a horrible influence on them and I’m becoming more and more of a bad parent for allowing this to go on.  I honestly don’t know what to do.

I think that a more aggressive approach on my part is our only option until residential placement becomes an option.

At this moment,  I feel like he should be held accountable for behaviors he has taught his brothers.  I’m sure that sounds harsh to some but he’s systematically dismantling this family and something drastic has to happen.

Lizze and I could spend our last breath teaching Elliott and Emmett something.  It takes no time at all for Gavin to undo that.  The problem is that Elliott and Emmett absolutely worship Gavin and look up to him as a role model.  He’s the last person they should be looking up to and his influence is very strong.

I need to get Gavin out of the house and for that,  I will need to make a more aggressive push for funding. 

I feel like a monster for saying any of this but it’s absolutely true and we literally are out of options.  Residential placement is the only hope for the Lost and Tired family. 

This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct hate me.

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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Cassie
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Cassie

🙁 I'm so sorry that it's come to this.. *hugs to the entire Lost & TIred Family*

Jenn50
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Jenn50

In my experience, people (even kids) tend to say that not because they really hate themselves, but as a manipulative tool. When you say "I hate myself" everyone rushes in to validate you. "Oh, no! You shouldn't hate yourself! You're wonderful! You just made a mistake!" Then, not only are you not in trouble, but everybody is trying to make you feel better. It's too bad that Emmet has learned this manipulative habit from his brother. Hopefully, you're able to redirect him before that becomes too ingrained. Maybe, when Gavin is throwing tantrums, you can say to the little boys,… Read more »

S.
Guest
S.

For what it is worth, one of my sisters did this at that age and still does it. And I know of other children on the autism spectrum who have also done/said similar things at that age and beyond. Without observing it in another person.

Chloe
Guest
Chloe

Rob, have you talked with the board of developmental disabilities?

Also I had an idea, let me know what you think. I would not at all mind being an online role model friend of Emmet and or Elliot's. Let me know what you think of this idea.

Kathy
Guest
Kathy

I think you are jumping the gun and blaming Gavin prematurely. My 6yo has said similar things since well before he was 4 and his older brother was not speaking at that point. You coud blame him for every negative behavior the Es are displaying now or in the future, but reality is, kids with autism display behaviors, and this one is not so uncommon. Whether Gavin can feel empathy or not, most likely he can feel that you blame him for many of th other boys' issues.

Rob Gorski
Admin

I appreciate your opinion but this is Gavin's influence. I totally understand where you're coming from but this is a very unusual situation and so it doesn't follow the rules.

Abc
Guest
Abc

I am not sure why you blame Gavin so much. Yes, he has tantrums, but he has mental issues too. No sane person will do this in their right mind. Just like you donot blame E's for any thing, it is all age, autism and other factors etc. It looks like you think that getting Gavin out of the house will solve all your problems. Well, that is no true, as he is not source of all your problem. I hope you donot blame him for RAD.   I have a question about RAD, how did Gavin get this? A child… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Abc in not in the best of moods so I'm going to treat you with as much respect as possible and not make the same assumptions about you that you have made about us. There was an almost 10 year court battle between us and Lizze's biological father. The only reason it lasted that long was because it took place in his home town and the judge used to be his uncle. They lived almost 3 hours away and Gavin was forced to spend 6 days out of every 14 down there. He was abused and neglected. This started when… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Abc @Abc in not in the best of moods so I'm going to treat you with as much respect as possible and not make the same assumptions about you that you have made about us. There was an almost 10 year court battle between us and Lizze's ex husband . The only reason it lasted that long was because it took place in his home town and the judge used to be his uncle. They lived almost 3 hours away and Gavin was forced to spend 6 days out of every 14 down there. He was abused and neglected. This… Read more »

MikeNYvetteKennedy
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MikeNYvetteKennedy

@ABC – First of all, I would just like to say that the fact that you couldn't even be man/woman enough to leave your real name simply means that your OPINION (and that's all it is) means absolutely NOTHING. It means that you are a chicken shit who can talk smack like there's no tomorrow, but probably wouldn't be able to walk it! Until you have a spent one day in my BROTHER-IN-LAW & SISTER's life you have NO right to judge them. You have no idea what they go though on a daily basis. You have no idea what… Read more »

fibromamaby3
Guest

ABC, There is so much that I need to say to you…where do I begin? First, a blog I read (about a mother of a RAD child incidentally) recently came up with a wonderful definition for a "Troll" – "someone who posts a nasty comment and hides behind a fake email account". Well, you haven't even left an email address at all. So where does that put in the blogging world order?   Now, on to your comment…   Allow me to begin by saying that you are obviously entitled to your opinion. I would never dream of denying you… Read more »

fibromamaby3
Guest

 @MikeNYvetteKennedy @lostandtired ABC, There is so much that I need to say to you…where do I begin? First, a blog I read (about a mother of a RAD child incidentally) recently came up with a wonderful definition for a "Troll" – "someone who posts a nasty comment and hides behind a fake email account". Well, you haven't even left an email address at all. So where does that put in the blogging world order? Now, on to your comment…  Allow me to begin by saying that you are obviously entitled to your opinion. I would never dream of denying you that. However,… Read more »

MikeNYvetteKennedy
Guest
MikeNYvetteKennedy

Let me tell you Ms. Kathy that I have been personally present for a few of Gavin's meltdowns and what Rob described above is EXACTLY what I have seen with my own eyes. Yes, other children with Autism may experience this, but when it walks like a duck, acts like a duck it's a duck. I love all three of my nephews with ALL my heart, but What Emmett did and said is a mini-Gavin. I'm sorry, how many times have you been to visit my brother-in-law and sister in their home? How many times have you been there to… Read more »

fibromamaby3
Guest

Chloe, in the words of Zach and Wheezie from Dragon Tales (which I've been tortured with ALL WEEK while they're sick)…LOOOOVE IT! Now how do we make it work?

Silachan
Guest

 @fibromamaby3 At least dragon tales is awesome 🙂

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Silachan @fibromamaby3 that's funny 😉

fibromamaby3
Guest

Jenn50,
You are absolutely right! It is totally a ploy to divert the attention away from being in trouble. What upsets me the most (personally) is that my babies are saying that at all. If Gavin had never said it would Elliott Richard have learned it at school, perhaps. But Emmett John wouldn't know it because he doesn't attend school.
Regardless of how they *would have/could have* learned it, we KNOW how they did. I really like your idea for dealing with it too. Brilliant!

fibromamaby3
Guest

Thanks Cassie.

MikeNYvetteKennedy
Guest
MikeNYvetteKennedy

Rob, let me just remind you that you guys always have my love and support 100% as I know the decisions you make regarding the boys are made with the best of intentions at heart and with all the love in your heart. I know you love Gavin more than any FATHER can love a child, but you also have two more boys (younger I might add) who you also need to think about when it comes to things. What these criticizers don't seem to understand is that Gavin's meltdowns, tantrums or whatever anyone else wants to call them are… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @MikeNYvetteKennedy Vett…..Thank you. 🙂

gina valley
Guest

I've dealt with similar issues.  My heart goes out to all of you.  Such tough decisions to make and judgmental people to deal with.   You know and love your children best.  Research, get advice, then do what your heart tells you is right for your kids.  Praying for all of you as you travel this long road.

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @gina valley Thank you for your compassion. I really appreciate it. It think it's hard for the average person to wrap their brains around something like this.

OnyxPanthyr
Guest
OnyxPanthyr

I was hoping this wouldn't happen.  🙁  Rob, Lizze, hang in there, guys.  It's amazing how you have managed to keep each other and the family together for so long with all of the things that have been coming your way.  From all that I've read you guys deserve awards for being the amazing parents you are.  99% of people would have given up and here you guys are pushing forward.  Neither of you are bad parents and should never think that!  Gods bless and you're always in my prayers.

Rob Gorski
Admin

 @OnyxPanthyr Thank you for the kind words. I really,really appreciate. We both do actually. 

Batty
Guest
Batty

I am aghast at the level of ignorance displayed by some posters; however, their ignorance is not as bad as the venom oozing from under their respective rocks.  I would like to suggest @fibromamaby3 & @lostandtired that a change be made in the way a reader is allowed to post on their blogs–require any desiring to comment to go through a vetting before they may post.  Don't know if that's possible or not, but in a perfect blog world it would be!  Kathy & ABC, go crawl back under your slime.  No one wants you here!