I can’t quite explain how it feels to send a child away for the good of the family. I keep thinking that I can make some profound statement that will help you understand, but I’m at a loss for words. My good friend Carol Young from the awesome website Why not Fathers is going through something very similar with his son Marc. Honestly, I don’t know too many people that have had to do something like this.
I think that I’ve known, on some level, that this was always going to happen. In reality, we really did make it work for a long time. Having said that, this was long overdue. I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again. At this point, I’m still pretty numb because Gavin’s been away for several days at a time on many occasions. Sometimes it was with family and other times, it was at the hospital. I think that as time goes on this will become more and more real to me. I don’t know how I’ll feel down the road. I’ve been grieving the loss of Gavin for many years and I suppose that has prepared me for this. Right now I’m trying to focus on recovery, whatever that means. It’s not like life is going to be easier. It will however, be less violent and chaotic. The heavy weight that Gavin’s behavior brought upon everyone in the house has begun to dissipate. That’s as good a place as any time to start. Operation Hope has begun the long road to recovery.