Confessions of a depressed #Autism Dad

Confessions of a depressed #Autism Dad

It’s been awhile since I updated you all on how my personal battle with depression is going. I’m not quite sure how to sum things up because there is so much going on in my life.

Having said that, I thinks it’s safe to say that I’ve been better but I’ve also been worse.

I’m still taking my medication every day.  I’m still on 40mg of Paxil/day. I do think it helps and while it doesn’t make things perfect it does help me to make it through the day.  Sometimes, making it to the end of the day is a victory in and of itself.


I’ve thought about paying a visit to my doctor but truthfully, I’m not sure there’s a whole lot more she can do. I talked with her in a few occasions and the reality is that because of the nature of my life, there aren’t any medications that will make everything better.  At most, they can take the edge off and help me to better manage things.

She’s right…..

I think overall, I’m doing okay.  I’m not panicking about anything.  I’m not dealing with perseverating thoughts, as I once was.

These are all positives. 

What I do struggle with is being rundown and lacking the motivation to get anything done.  I’m just really exhausted from everything and today for example, I couldn‘t wake up.  Because I couldn‘t wake up, Lizze had to get up with the boys, which isn’t easy for her.  To make things worse, when I did wake up and come downstairs, I fell asleep on the couch.

I think the week was just catching up with me. I did a ton of driving this week and I also have a lot on my mind as the year winds down. 

However, I feel really bad that I put Lizze in that position because she was miserable herself and needs her rest.

I definitely need to get more exercise because that would also have a positive impact as well.

All that said, I’m surviving and I’m grateful for that.

As always, my message is that depression is nothing to ashamed of.  If you feel that you may be suffering from depression, please talk to someone you trust. Get help, you’ll be glad you did.

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There is hope.
Dr. Michael J. Goldberg a pediatrician in Tarzana CA has discovered that approximately 90% of the “autistic’ children he sees, test positive for the herpes-6 virus. This virus attacks the brain. He is successfully treating these children, including my 5yr old grandson Eli with anti-viral medications. The following is part of an update to my daughter from Eli’s teacher who started with Eli prior to the anti-viral meds:
Amy and Josh, As a teacher, today was one of those days you dream about in theory, but are not sure it will really happen. I was so emotional by the time Eli’s day ended. I have been teaching for 30 years and have never witnessed anything like today! Amy, as I spoke with you on the phone last night, I was so excited. It was hard to believe then, that today could have topped yesterday. I am starting to realize that there are no limits to what the day will bring! As I mentioned, now that Eli is starting to interact appropriately with his peers, the reinforcement and encouragement from the children adds another positive dimension.
For more information about this virus and treatment go to
Nothing to buy, no therapies, just a medical doctor treating patients who have an illness that manifests itself with autistic like behaviors and mannerisms.


Despite what some may say, Autism is treatable!.

For Him

@hse Yes it is.


Rob, have you had your thyroid levels checked lately? They can tend to slow down or tank when you are chronically stressed for a long time. I get that way with not being able to get up and wake up, and lack the motivation to do things when my thyroid meds need to be increased.  Depression medications can lower thyroid function, from what I have heard as well. Also, adrenal glands tend to get stressed with chronic stress too. I hope you are able to find something that helps increase your motivation and energy.


Rob: I think you are doing the best you can given all the circumstances. Medication only boosts what your brain already has–keep in mind that a healthy diet with extra protein in the morning will provide the extra dopamine to keep alert and focused. Feeling tired and sleepy is a signal that you may need to sleep more soundly at night. Melatonin supplementation can help improve REM sleep and multivitamins with choline and inositol can help alleviate stress as well. I agree with you–depression is nothing to be afraid of. We just have to be good to ourselves when things get awry and out of control. Focus on the things you can control–leave everything else to God, the Stars, or whatever is keeping this Universe alive. I read that exercise boosts serotonin levels–any sustained activity will help. Surround yourself with the things that are fun and amusing–play "Halo" videogames with a friend! Watch a funny movie that leaves you laughing and smiling as the credits role in. Environment can be tailored to fit everyone's needs.


oops "roll" in not "role" in LOL


Every day is a struggle some days.  You just do the best you can — not the best that you could do on a different day, just the best you can do today…
Also — here's a good news story for you.  I remember you were worried about what Gavin might do when he grew up.  Here's one idea…

Mary Franzen Costell

You are awake now. That's something positive.

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