It’s been awhile since my last confession. Having said that, I reached a milestone that I’m not proud of and I want to share this with all of you. My goal with this is to continue opening a window into our lives but also, help someone if they happen to be dealing with the same thing.
I mentioned that I have reached a milestone. That milestone is my physical weight and I’m not happy with it at all.
10 years ago I was body building and in excellent physical condition.
Between life happening, my poor coping skills and lack of motivation, I have reached 294lbs. Now, I don‘t necessarily look that heavy because of my previous body building but I certainly feel it. To be completely honest, I’m ashamed and embarrassed by this.
Truth be told, that’s one of the reasons that I’m not in very many pictures. I’m really self conscious.
One of my big problems is that I can’t easily get out of the house anymore because of all that’s going on. In the rare cases that I can, I’m too tired to actually do anything.
Another problem is that I’m depressed. That of course, isn’t a secret.
However, there’s only so much that medications can help you with and I fall into that category. The anti-depression meds help. They actually help a great deal. Having said that, things are just so bad at times that they simply aren’t enough.
Between inadequate coping skills and lack of self control, I have turned to stress eating for comfort.
That I believe is my biggest problem at the moment. I really do try to watch what I eat. However, I think it’s the quantity of things that I eat, which is really contributing to the weight gain.
I’m really struggling with this and it sets a horrible example for my boys.
I realize that sometimes, you have to do what you have to do, in order to survive. Truth be told, I think I hide behind that far to often. It’s just too easy to justify my eating by saying that it will help me make it through the day. I also have a lot of days that I say something like, after the day I’ve had…………
There are a great many things I’m good at and there are also just as many that I struggle with. Coping with my life, in healthier ways, is definitely something I’m struggling with.
Granted, it could be worse. I mean, I don‘t drink, smoke or do drugs.
However, my stress eating and subsequent body weight is definitely impacting not only me as a person but also a parent. I don‘t have the energy to do everything that needs done.
My goal is to change this. The first step towards my goal is to admit that I have a problem and go from there.
I know what I need to do, it’s just reclaiming my self-control and discipline that I need to figure out.
With 2013 rapidly approaching, I’m going to be focusing on improving myself, body and soul. It’s not going to be easy at all however, my family is worth and so am I.